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Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

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TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY, A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE! Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just tha TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY, A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE! Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just that. You'll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including: - Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed) - Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet) - Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?") - Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry


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TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY, A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE! Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just tha TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY, A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE! Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just that. You'll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including: - Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed) - Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet) - Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?") - Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry

30 review for Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

  1. 5 out of 5

    Martin

    Travel broadens your mind - while it shrinks your wallet Olden day travel In the olden days a major drawback to traveling was the fact that much of the world was occupied by foreign countries, which had no concept whatsoever of how a country is supposed to operate. Many of them did not accept major credit cards. Sometimes the people would not understand plain English unless you spoke very loud. A few of these countries--it's hard to believe this was even legal--did not have television in the hotel Travel broadens your mind - while it shrinks your wallet Olden day travel In the olden days a major drawback to traveling was the fact that much of the world was occupied by foreign countries, which had no concept whatsoever of how a country is supposed to operate. Many of them did not accept major credit cards. Sometimes the people would not understand plain English unless you spoke very loud. A few of these countries--it's hard to believe this was even legal--did not have television in the hotel rooms. Good advice "Never go outside the hotel": this is one of the cardinal rules of travel. Another one is: "Never board a commercial aircraft if the pilot is wearing a tank top." Why reservations are important We will try to remember the famous thirteenth century tourist Marco Polo, who, having managed against all odds and with great effort to cross Persia, the plateau of the Pamir, the forbidden regions of Kashgar, Yarkand, and Khotan, and the Gobi Desert, finally arrived at the legendary Kublai Khan’s palace at Shang-tu, where he uttered the words that have served as an inspiration for travelers ever since: “What do you mean you don’t have my reservation?” The early pioneers' children in the backseat “Are we there yet?” “Hey! THESE plains aren’t so great!” “Mom, Ezra is making hostile gestures at those Native Americans!” “Are we almost there?” “Mom! Rebecca dumped some unforgiving terrain into my scarce food!” “PLEASE can we stop here and settle Kansas please please PLEASE??” “Yuck! We’re eating bison again?” “When are we going to be there?” “Mom! Little Ben put oxen poop in his hair!” Foreign countries England is one of four nations, along with Ireland, Scotland, and New Zealand, that make up the British Isles. England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English. Located partly inside the Arctic Circle, Finland has long been a popular destination with travelers who enjoy the feeling of knowing that if their car breaks down, they could be eaten by wolves. Finland is also the home of the sauna, which is a wooden box in which you subject your body to extreme heat, which causes you to become very relaxed, unless of course the door gets stuck, in which case it causes you to become lasagna. We ourselves prefer to stay outside and take our chances with the wolves. Germany is really a very nice nation that used to have an unfortunate tendency to fall in with the wrong crowd every few decades and try to take over the world. But that is all in the past, thank goodness. After years of painful division, East and West Germany are finally back together as a large, vibrant, strong, dynamic, extremely powerful and heavily armed nation that we are sure will be a Good Neighbor for … LOOK OUT! HERE THEY COME!! Dave Barry gives you great advice for your holiday with these chapter headings... Planning Your “Trip to Paradise,” or Possibly Beirut How to Speak a Foreign Language in Just 30 Minutes Without Necessarily Having Any Idea What You Are Saying Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed) Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet!) See the U.S.A. First! (While We Still Own Part of It) Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?" Staying in Hotels (Or: We're Very Sorry, But Your Chapter Is Not Ready Yet) Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry Welcome Home! Or: "That's Odd! Our House Used to Be Right Here!" Enjoy!

  2. 4 out of 5

    Wes Locher

    This is one of those books that I read in just one or two sittings. It was that good (and that short). Anytime a friend or loved one of mine is going on vacation or traveling for business, I encourage them to read this book prior to their departure. They almost never do, but that's their loss. Most critics will agree that this is Barry's best book (followed closely by "Greatest Hits"). Of the Barry titles that I have read, I would tend to agree. It's very cohesive and contains illustrations that This is one of those books that I read in just one or two sittings. It was that good (and that short). Anytime a friend or loved one of mine is going on vacation or traveling for business, I encourage them to read this book prior to their departure. They almost never do, but that's their loss. Most critics will agree that this is Barry's best book (followed closely by "Greatest Hits"). Of the Barry titles that I have read, I would tend to agree. It's very cohesive and contains illustrations that add a dash of extra hilarity to his writing. The section where he details every state in the USA (They're Progressive!) is worth the cover price. The way he details foreign countries that he has (and hasn't) visited are hilarious as he tends to play a lot on stereotypes, but I would read the designated section for visiting any of them to see if I agree. If you've read anything by Dave Barry before, you know what you are going to get. A quick read, a lot of laughs, and a desire for more. Also recommended: "Dave Barry's Greatest Hits" & "Dave Barry is Not Making this Up."

  3. 4 out of 5

    Tom Donaghey

    The 1991 DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED by the aforementioned Dave Barry is as funny today as it was when it was first published. Sure, the world has changed but that is mostly due to wi-fi, the internet and those instant coffee machines with the little cups. People are still the same, the countries of the world are still out there although slightly rearranged, and you still can't drink the water in South America, but funny remains funny. And Dave Barry is funny. So if you are p The 1991 DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED by the aforementioned Dave Barry is as funny today as it was when it was first published. Sure, the world has changed but that is mostly due to wi-fi, the internet and those instant coffee machines with the little cups. People are still the same, the countries of the world are still out there although slightly rearranged, and you still can't drink the water in South America, but funny remains funny. And Dave Barry is funny. So if you are planning a trip and want some great advice, get a real guide book. But if you want to stay on the patio, grilling burgers and swatting flies, here is your introduction to the world. Warning: Take the advice offered in this book at your own risk. You may hazard splitting sides, rude stares from your neighbors on the bus, or soda snorting out your nose. Read at your own peril. Remember, you were warned!

  4. 4 out of 5

    Trin

    Vintage 1991: mild xenophobia, mullet, and all. Disturbingly, it feels like a gentler, more innocent time. I will never love another Dave Barry book as much as Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs, and I should learn to accept that.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Stacy

    I used to wait for Dave Barry's column in the paper as a child, with his off-the-wall, crazy sense of humor that could take the most mundane, routine topic and help you see it in a whole new way. This book, written as a spoof of typical travel guide books, did not disappoint me. (I actually think he wrote it while either highly intoxicated, or high on something). Nonetheless, it contained much humorous misinformation, such as how to tourniquet a poisonous snake when camping, or how much custom a I used to wait for Dave Barry's column in the paper as a child, with his off-the-wall, crazy sense of humor that could take the most mundane, routine topic and help you see it in a whole new way. This book, written as a spoof of typical travel guide books, did not disappoint me. (I actually think he wrote it while either highly intoxicated, or high on something). Nonetheless, it contained much humorous misinformation, such as how to tourniquet a poisonous snake when camping, or how much custom agents love "tips", plus useful phrases that could come in handy in a foreign country when traveling, such as the German for, "I have got my mojo working". Anyone that has experienced the joys of traveling with children in a small car, or air travel would totally relate to his useful tips. This was a light-hearted piece of nonsensical humor that did not require much concentration or involvement.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Al Datum

    When things get too serious, Dave Barry is always a perfect way to lighten the mood and give a solid belly laugh or two. This book is no exception.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Michelle

    Dave Barry is a funny, weird guy. He never fails to make me laugh.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Shauna

    I read a lot of Dave Barry books in high school. As all cool kids do. So of course I had to get this when I saw it at a library book sale. I didn't enjoy this as much as I've enjoyed his other books--the jokes got a little tired after a while. But it had its moments.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Huyen Chip

    I don't usually give a book a two star rating, especially if it's from an author that I like, but boy, this book is a bore! It's almost as if Barry didn't want to write the book.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Dee brown

    Mr. Barry delivers humor once again! This is a must read before your next vacation! Two thumbs up!

  11. 4 out of 5

    John Mcconahey

    Whether you are a novice traveler or an experienced journey master, you’ll find something to chuckle about in this tongue-in-cheek “guide.” Dave Barry satirizes not only the travel process, but also pokes fun at stereotypes in destination countries. In the USA, he reviews what each state has to offer, leaving the reader to decide the veracity of his statements. For example: “Other popular Pennsylvania attractions include Pennsylvania Dutch Country, where visitors may see authentic tourists eating Whether you are a novice traveler or an experienced journey master, you’ll find something to chuckle about in this tongue-in-cheek “guide.” Dave Barry satirizes not only the travel process, but also pokes fun at stereotypes in destination countries. In the USA, he reviews what each state has to offer, leaving the reader to decide the veracity of his statements. For example: “Other popular Pennsylvania attractions include Pennsylvania Dutch Country, where visitors may see authentic tourists eating and looking around for Amish people to stare at.” Of England, he states: “Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can be a very pleasant surprise to the connoisseur of severely overcooked livestock organs served in lukewarm puddles of congealed grease.” Other topics are covered in the various chapters such as: ”Chapter Two: How to Speak a Foreign Language in Just 30 Minutes Without Necessarily Having Any Idea What You Are Saying,” and “Chapter Eight: Camping: Nature’s Way of Promoting the Motel Industry.” This was a light but fun read for those of us whose sense of humor is just slightly warped. And if you like it, Barry has a whole lot more books of the same style.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Christina

    I didn't find this book all that funny-it may have made me smile slightly once or twice, but overall was disappointing. The humor relied too much on cliches. It was clear where the author had some first-hand experience, and where he was just filling in the blanks with made up words and obviously false, silly facts. There was also too much repetition. For example, showing the same obviously fake full page map for every major city in Europe. The first time was cute, second was also cute when you r I didn't find this book all that funny-it may have made me smile slightly once or twice, but overall was disappointing. The humor relied too much on cliches. It was clear where the author had some first-hand experience, and where he was just filling in the blanks with made up words and obviously false, silly facts. There was also too much repetition. For example, showing the same obviously fake full page map for every major city in Europe. The first time was cute, second was also cute when you realize it's the exact same map. Third time wearing thin. And by the sixth it just feels like filler to increase the page count. A lot of the text felt the same, with jokes that are only mildly funny to begin with repeated and then repeated again. This is the first book by Dave Barry I've read, and based on his reputation (he won a Pulitzer and has written a lot of books) I was hoping for more. The last two chapters were strongest. There's a section on staying at a quaint country inn that was the strongest section in the book, I think because it played off his experience as a columnist. I think if it were more a collection of columns and anecdotes that played to that strength, rather than trying to find something funny to say about every state in the US and every major western European country, I would have enjoyed it more.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Barry Frangipane

    Dave Barry's irreverent sense of humor is at its best in this book. It had me laughing out loud and shaking my head in agreement many times. If one was to take Barry seriously here, one would think that he is completely nationalistic, and one who can do nothing but poke fun of other cultures. But what does one know? Using humor, Dave Barry masterfully takes the readers on a journey questioning their own pre-conceived ideas about other cultures and other places, and the way things "should" be. The Dave Barry's irreverent sense of humor is at its best in this book. It had me laughing out loud and shaking my head in agreement many times. If one was to take Barry seriously here, one would think that he is completely nationalistic, and one who can do nothing but poke fun of other cultures. But what does one know? Using humor, Dave Barry masterfully takes the readers on a journey questioning their own pre-conceived ideas about other cultures and other places, and the way things "should" be. The maps of foreign cites add a great touch to the book.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Massanutten Regional Library

    Lisa, North River patron, June 2018, 4 stars: Although this book was published in 1991, many of the author's observations still apply today. With his usual sharp wit, he provides tips for domestic and foreign travel. Much of the book is outrageously untrue, which Barry fans have come to expect as part of his humorous style. This guide provides a quick and enjoyable read; one might even describe the text as "dynamic" (a comment better understood once one has read the book).

  15. 4 out of 5

    L.J.

    This is a very funny book, ridiculous and silly but I really enjoyed it and at times found myself laughing really loudly in the airplane I was on at the time. My wife even peered over to see what was wrong with me and I then I had to read her some passages, in which she laughed but rolled her eyes and pretty much said it was 'silly'. So silly is the end remark but good.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Renee

    A laugh out loud funny book about the "joys" of travel. Especially funny are the synopsises (synopsi?) of the states and many European countries, none of which are flattering . I laughed until tears ran down my face and snorted in a couple of places. The maps of major European cities were quite helpful, as well as the useful phrases a traveler might need.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Maurean

    Just a funny, silly little book Complete with maps, histories, quiant local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed) and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares

  18. 4 out of 5

    Grace Fullerton

    Dave Barry understands travel better than any other humorist in American history. His descriptions of airplane travel and getting through security are dead on. His enumerations on the different countries to visit are also immensely entertaining.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Ak

    i'm absolutely devoted to dave barry, but among all his stuff this might be my favorite.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Valerie

    One of my favorite authors.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Paul

    Truly anything by Dave!

  22. 5 out of 5

    Bryce

    The Best of the Barry Books. I laugh so hard I cry when I read the synopsis of each state. If you like Barry's humor, it doesn't get any better than this.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Missy

    My friend Steve loaned me this to balance out my "heavier" reading and give me a laugh during my recent move. It's pretty frickin' funny.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Carrie Szoke

    This book is wonderfully hilarious! It is about 20 years old now, but many of his descriptions of travel still apply. Highly recommended!

  25. 4 out of 5

    Cindyanne

    Absolutely recommend this to everyone because it's hilarious and you may not look at traveling the same way again (or for-go it altogether).

  26. 4 out of 5

    Dan

    One of the funniest books that I have ever read

  27. 4 out of 5

    Teri

    This book makes me laugh out loud AND feel the need to read to others, whether they like it or not, but they usually do.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Josh

    As with all Barry's works, this was brilliant. My wife and I frequently had to stop because we were laughing so hard. The section on the states of the US was pure gold. Also read in July 2013.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Caramel12

    I thought travel guides were meant to be bland, & if your very unlucky quite boring. But Dave Barry's guide left me in stitches from start to finish a must read for all travel junkies!! I thought travel guides were meant to be bland, & if your very unlucky quite boring. But Dave Barry's guide left me in stitches from start to finish a must read for all travel junkies!!

  30. 5 out of 5

    David Nelson

    If you want to travel to parts unknown (and stay there indefinitely), read this book. You'll have such a good read that you won't care where you end up.

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