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The Men on My Couch: True Stories of Sex, Love and Psychotherapy

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WHAT MEN WANT. WHAT MEN FEEL. WHAT WOMEN NEED TO KNOW. When Dr. Brandy Engler opened her sex therapy practice for women in Manhattan, she got a big surprise. Most of the calls were from men. They wanted to talk about womanizing, porn addiction, impotence, prostitutes—and most of all, love. Her patients were everyday guys from all walks of life. Among them were David, the WHAT MEN WANT. WHAT MEN FEEL. WHAT WOMEN NEED TO KNOW. When Dr. Brandy Engler opened her sex therapy practice for women in Manhattan, she got a big surprise. Most of the calls were from men. They wanted to talk about womanizing, porn addiction, impotence, prostitutes—and most of all, love. Her patients were everyday guys from all walks of life. Among them were David, the Wall Street hotshot and compulsive womanizer; Charles, an introvert who kept pushing away the fiancée he thought was too beautiful for him; Paul, the self-made man who visited massage parlors despite his sexy wife; and the men’s group whose stark revelations about male anger and their search for the right woman will open your eyes. In The Men on My Couch, Dr. Engler allows readers inside those private sessions to witness her exciting and evocative encounters with what men desire and fear. Dr. Engler tells her own story, too. At first her patients’ revelations are painful and disconcerting, especially against the backdrop of her own difficult love affair. Yet Dr. Engler lets readers experience how she evolves both professionally and personally, from chagrin to compassion, and reconciles her idealized notions of love and sex with the unexpected and raw truths she hears in the office. The Men on My Couch is unlike books you’ve read before. There are no tired facile conclusions or pejorative generalizations. Here are fresh insights into modern sexual maladies, gleaned from real people having real struggles and experiencing real epiphanies—in the real world. This book will change how both women and men think about love, sex, and desire.


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WHAT MEN WANT. WHAT MEN FEEL. WHAT WOMEN NEED TO KNOW. When Dr. Brandy Engler opened her sex therapy practice for women in Manhattan, she got a big surprise. Most of the calls were from men. They wanted to talk about womanizing, porn addiction, impotence, prostitutes—and most of all, love. Her patients were everyday guys from all walks of life. Among them were David, the WHAT MEN WANT. WHAT MEN FEEL. WHAT WOMEN NEED TO KNOW. When Dr. Brandy Engler opened her sex therapy practice for women in Manhattan, she got a big surprise. Most of the calls were from men. They wanted to talk about womanizing, porn addiction, impotence, prostitutes—and most of all, love. Her patients were everyday guys from all walks of life. Among them were David, the Wall Street hotshot and compulsive womanizer; Charles, an introvert who kept pushing away the fiancée he thought was too beautiful for him; Paul, the self-made man who visited massage parlors despite his sexy wife; and the men’s group whose stark revelations about male anger and their search for the right woman will open your eyes. In The Men on My Couch, Dr. Engler allows readers inside those private sessions to witness her exciting and evocative encounters with what men desire and fear. Dr. Engler tells her own story, too. At first her patients’ revelations are painful and disconcerting, especially against the backdrop of her own difficult love affair. Yet Dr. Engler lets readers experience how she evolves both professionally and personally, from chagrin to compassion, and reconciles her idealized notions of love and sex with the unexpected and raw truths she hears in the office. The Men on My Couch is unlike books you’ve read before. There are no tired facile conclusions or pejorative generalizations. Here are fresh insights into modern sexual maladies, gleaned from real people having real struggles and experiencing real epiphanies—in the real world. This book will change how both women and men think about love, sex, and desire.

30 review for The Men on My Couch: True Stories of Sex, Love and Psychotherapy

  1. 5 out of 5

    Kory

    This was the BEST book I have read in a long time. Yes, it centers around therapy...I'm a therapist. Ok. There's that. But it is spicy. It is real. It will make you think. It's more about why people do the things they do than it is about sex therapy.....what's missing in people's lives and how they get what they need. It was also really interesting how the author was able to admit her initial gut responses to people when they disclosed things she didn't agree with, but then over time she came to This was the BEST book I have read in a long time. Yes, it centers around therapy...I'm a therapist. Ok. There's that. But it is spicy. It is real. It will make you think. It's more about why people do the things they do than it is about sex therapy.....what's missing in people's lives and how they get what they need. It was also really interesting how the author was able to admit her initial gut responses to people when they disclosed things she didn't agree with, but then over time she came to realize why and viewed things very differently. It It was just SO GOOD! I couldn't put it down.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Caro the Helmet Lady

    Bored me to the bone. Didn't finish. Life's too short for bad books, sorry. Bored me to the bone. Didn't finish. Life's too short for bad books, sorry.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Katrin

    One of those books I will remember for some time after reading it, because besides seeing things differently, it also made me see my own past and current relationships from a new angle. I also really liked the fact that although the author shared stories about men's behaviours that have been the cause of disappointment and anger for a lot of women, the book actually made me feel more compassionate and understanding towards any man I know or will know in the future. Easy to read, yet thorough. One of those books I will remember for some time after reading it, because besides seeing things differently, it also made me see my own past and current relationships from a new angle. I also really liked the fact that although the author shared stories about men's behaviours that have been the cause of disappointment and anger for a lot of women, the book actually made me feel more compassionate and understanding towards any man I know or will know in the future. Easy to read, yet thorough.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Laura B

    If you enjoy authors whose favorite thing is to repeat compliments to themselves, this is the book for you! Here is a (by no means comprehensive) smattering: 1. "Wow, Doc. You're pretty attractive," [David] said. "I think I'm going to like talking to you." 2. "There's something I have to tell you," [Mark] said, suddenly energized. "I have a crush on you." 3. Bill looked me over, appreciatively, then said, "Maybe I should have gone with a male therapist. You may be too distracting for me." 4. I called If you enjoy authors whose favorite thing is to repeat compliments to themselves, this is the book for you! Here is a (by no means comprehensive) smattering: 1. "Wow, Doc. You're pretty attractive," [David] said. "I think I'm going to like talking to you." 2. "There's something I have to tell you," [Mark] said, suddenly energized. "I have a crush on you." 3. Bill looked me over, appreciatively, then said, "Maybe I should have gone with a male therapist. You may be too distracting for me." 4. I called [my ex-boyfriend] on several occasions [while writing this book] ... His only response: "Make sure that you write that I still love you." I'm sure her current husband loves being reminded that basically every guy she's ever met in her life desired her. Such a humble and charming and not at all oblivious lady.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Anushree

    I picked this book seized with curiosity, I wanted to understand men, rather masculine point of view (er... feelings to be more precise). However, by the last page I had my own projections, assumptions and passivity regarding masculinity challenged. The clarity, humility and humor with which this book is written makes therapy process look romantic. And it is. Search for the true self always is romantic. I will read this book a few times again to let the message sink in. What is the message? If w I picked this book seized with curiosity, I wanted to understand men, rather masculine point of view (er... feelings to be more precise). However, by the last page I had my own projections, assumptions and passivity regarding masculinity challenged. The clarity, humility and humor with which this book is written makes therapy process look romantic. And it is. Search for the true self always is romantic. I will read this book a few times again to let the message sink in. What is the message? If we look into the humanity of why and how sex and sexual practices get conflated with fear, aggression and need for parenting or validation, we will have empathy for the suffering of men in our lives. No one is condoning cheating or sex addiction or deviant sexual practices here. But when 'love needs' are not met, they exert themselves through sex, particularly for men. This should not be surprising. The modern society (since patriarchy) has shamed women for their sexuality and celebrated men for theirs'. Viceversa for vulnerability and emotional depth. Unless we raise our own awareness and empathy, we cannot ask men to show up and be okay with being seen in their irrationality, perversion and imperfections. Men have long been subjected to double standards, just like women. If we want to heal the suffering of men, we have to heal our issues that bring out theirs'. This book has encouraged me to expand my own understanding of masculinity and honor the struggles inherent therein.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Pasha Muravyev

    The Men on My Couch is a very interesting and introspective book in a lot of ways - it makes you think deeper about common stereotypes and misconceptions and the reasons underlying their existence. I found this book to be a fascinating mix of psychological techniques applied to specific, detailed case studies; I've learned a lot from reading about how Brandy approaches every problem, every interaction - things that I can take away and even use in my own life. This is not a self-help book in any The Men on My Couch is a very interesting and introspective book in a lot of ways - it makes you think deeper about common stereotypes and misconceptions and the reasons underlying their existence. I found this book to be a fascinating mix of psychological techniques applied to specific, detailed case studies; I've learned a lot from reading about how Brandy approaches every problem, every interaction - things that I can take away and even use in my own life. This is not a self-help book in any traditional sense, but it deals with questions and issues that all of us run into at some point: what is love, why do people in relationships cheat, and how often a superficial need for sex is commonly understates a deeper need for belonging, for affection, and for love.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Teri-K

    My daughter in law recommended this to me, and I found it quite interesting. There aren't a lot of chances for women to know what men are really thinking, so this provides an interesting look into some men's thoughts about love and sex. I liked the fact that the author, a woman, included both her professional and personal feelings about what she learned. This isn't a book that makes men look bad, just human. It's interesting to anyone who likes to understand how other people think, or who someti My daughter in law recommended this to me, and I found it quite interesting. There aren't a lot of chances for women to know what men are really thinking, so this provides an interesting look into some men's thoughts about love and sex. I liked the fact that the author, a woman, included both her professional and personal feelings about what she learned. This isn't a book that makes men look bad, just human. It's interesting to anyone who likes to understand how other people think, or who sometimes wonders what others think love is. It was a quick, interesting read.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Vee41dmb

    I really enjoyed this book. It did not go into explicit sexual details. I bought it thinking that it would,yet it did not disappoint me as in it's place there was intelligent thought provoking content. I appreciate that fact that the author included bits of her own story and her own thoughts and reactions. I would recommend this one to both men and women. It was a fast and easy read. I really enjoyed this book. It did not go into explicit sexual details. I bought it thinking that it would,yet it did not disappoint me as in it's place there was intelligent thought provoking content. I appreciate that fact that the author included bits of her own story and her own thoughts and reactions. I would recommend this one to both men and women. It was a fast and easy read.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Rachele Smith

    This book is not what you would expect - the title is provocative, the byline as well. I am on my second read-through and maybe it's where I am mentally and emotionally, but I am gaining different insights from my first go with it - about myself, about relationships, about people. Dr. Engler seamlessly blends her (anonymous) patients' stories, her own relationship journey and her professional insights into a book that is on a completely different plane - it's not self-help exactly, it's not a te This book is not what you would expect - the title is provocative, the byline as well. I am on my second read-through and maybe it's where I am mentally and emotionally, but I am gaining different insights from my first go with it - about myself, about relationships, about people. Dr. Engler seamlessly blends her (anonymous) patients' stories, her own relationship journey and her professional insights into a book that is on a completely different plane - it's not self-help exactly, it's not a textbook, and not a novel. I am learning to understand my own inclinations in an effortless way. The Men on My Couch has me laughing, reflecting, experiencing more than one "aha!" moment and wanting to go to therapy. Dr. Engler's writing style is approachable but not at all "dumbed down". She's just REAL. The frankness with which she writes about her own relationship and her reactions to her patients has you trusting her from page 3. It's like hearing input from a friend, albeit one who knows waaaaay more about human behavior than I believe most of my friends do. As I said, I am on my second read and still can't put it down.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Glenn

    This was a very interesting and interesting informative book that was more revealing about men's attitudes than I expected. This was a very interesting and interesting informative book that was more revealing about men's attitudes than I expected.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Christie Hill

    There is a lot to be learned about men, women and the relationships we have with ourselves and each other in this book.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Summer Sterling

    I couldn't finish this. I didn't care enough about the patients to plod through. I was more interested in the apparently dysfunctional relationship the author/therapist was having with her boyfriend at the time. But, alas, I am putting this book down. I couldn't finish this. I didn't care enough about the patients to plod through. I was more interested in the apparently dysfunctional relationship the author/therapist was having with her boyfriend at the time. But, alas, I am putting this book down.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Ada Angharad

    If you are new to the men/women relationship thingie, yes, this book is for you. If you are over 16 and have peeked once or twice in you mother's Cosmo, take a deep breath and walk away with no remorse. Mrs. Engler emits platitudes as cookies at a teen girl sleepover.... If you are new to the men/women relationship thingie, yes, this book is for you. If you are over 16 and have peeked once or twice in you mother's Cosmo, take a deep breath and walk away with no remorse. Mrs. Engler emits platitudes as cookies at a teen girl sleepover....

  14. 5 out of 5

    Gina Smith

    I think I was drawn to this for the therapy piece, but it really sheds light onto what women think that men want in relationships. It was an easy, fun read.

  15. 4 out of 5

    K.G. White

    This book wasn't exactly what I expected, but honestly after reading it I can't remember what I expected because this book kind of blew it all out of the water. It provided amazing insight into the male sexual identity and sexual motivation and reveals that despite how despicable some behavior seems, it doesn't occur in a vacuum. This book wasn't exactly what I expected, but honestly after reading it I can't remember what I expected because this book kind of blew it all out of the water. It provided amazing insight into the male sexual identity and sexual motivation and reveals that despite how despicable some behavior seems, it doesn't occur in a vacuum.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Ross

    EDIT: To be clear, these are my personal reactions to a book. Brandy is a practicing therapist, and by every indication from the book she is experienced and excellent at her work. I'm just a guy on the Internet nitpicking a read that I enjoyed from my armchair. --- If not for the author, this book would be great! Seriously though, the case studies are good, and my only issue is with the extent to which the main author interposes herself. You will learn that one stock broker's bravado is a front to EDIT: To be clear, these are my personal reactions to a book. Brandy is a practicing therapist, and by every indication from the book she is experienced and excellent at her work. I'm just a guy on the Internet nitpicking a read that I enjoyed from my armchair. --- If not for the author, this book would be great! Seriously though, the case studies are good, and my only issue is with the extent to which the main author interposes herself. You will learn that one stock broker's bravado is a front to his cynical, frightened resignation that he can't be loved without it. You'll find some men have naturally low sex drive and are haunted by it as a failing. Some men will always be darkly irresistible to most women, and some men can be led by their dicks into self-destruction, against *absolutely all reason.* Don't come looking for straight talk about male sex identity; you won't find it. The cover fonts and color scheme are warning enough for the drama contained herein. The book is accessible and you don't have to be a sex or a psych nerd to enjoy it - but if you are, you may find nothing new. The book offers a female perspective on hetero male sex and has a titillating, unspoken promise to explore The True Nature of Men. Sure enough you will read some revealing stories. The conversations about sexual identities, dysfunctions, and motivations are told to fascinate more than educate. Here and there in the lurid tales, you will learn a little bit - how attraction, affairs, abuse, and repression work in the mind and how they affect a person and others in their lives. It was enjoyable, all in all. On the downside - the author has a way of revealing her personal thoughts during a case study that break your attention. At times she will shift voice to her breathless, swept-away romantic self to show an episode from her love life. Much less often she will write unspoken reactions to her patients during therapy sessions - feelings of pity, irritation, or amusement. I reacted badly to these quips. Men are unlikely to seek help of almost any kind, and these men in particular were so moved by suffering they sought professional help to sort out unsustainable egos and past traumas. It's no secret, as you would surmise from the book, that many men have these issues as side-effects of overbuilt defense systems, *specifically because* the fear of mockery slices to their souls. Yes, the author is entitled to her genuine reactions to her all-too-human clientele, but I feel a certain anger to read lines such as "I wanted to, sadistically, pop his bubble ... [or] club it like a pinata". Those are the kinds of lines that could horrify a man out of seeking help. And seriously, the main author's romantic misadventures are almost half a quarter of the book. I was irritated that she could not give complete focus on the page to her work, which would have made me a happier reader; I found her personal story self-important and shoehorned into relevancy by analyzing her lovers. Not everyone prefers their psych books as dry as I do, and all books of this kind are written to sell. Still. I just want the straight dope, lady.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Denisa Diana

    Okey, I will start by saying that I am 17 year old virgin girl. I have no interest in psychology and I don't plan on following this career path. I want to become a doctor. So, why did I read this book then? I was looking at the self help shelf in the bookshop I usually visit. I was looking for a book on seducing men as I was interested in a guy. I found what I was looking for in another book, but I caught sight of the title of the book: true stories about men from a psychologist. I was intrigued. I Okey, I will start by saying that I am 17 year old virgin girl. I have no interest in psychology and I don't plan on following this career path. I want to become a doctor. So, why did I read this book then? I was looking at the self help shelf in the bookshop I usually visit. I was looking for a book on seducing men as I was interested in a guy. I found what I was looking for in another book, but I caught sight of the title of the book: true stories about men from a psychologist. I was intrigued. I thought to myself 'what could they possibly be hiding?'. Well, let's see. I grabbed the book and read the first case. I was wary of it being way too descriptive on the sex part because I wasn't interested in that. What I found in this book amazed me. First of all, things aren't exactly what they seem. A man isn't cheating just because. He has a reasoning that is tied to feelings out of all things. I am not saying that this means excusing him of his actions, though. Second of all, the book was written in such an interesting way. I really liked it that the author kept it real. It wasn't just a bunch of fancy terms. It was easy to understand what she was saying as she approached the subjects from two perspectives: a psychologist and a woman. What kept me reading this book were the questions I asked myself. When the book reavealed 'problems' in a men's behaviour, I asked my self if I have those problems as well. And no, I am not referring to the sex parts, but to the psychological ones. Am I bottling anger inside of me like [name]? Am I looking for love from someone/something less like [name]? And so on. I came to a few realizations and this book changed my perspective on some things. All in all, a fun read that I definitely recommend. 4/5 stars

  18. 4 out of 5

    Andrew Marshall

    Thank goodness for a fresh and accessible look at men and sex. It is really easy for women to be overwhelmed when they discover their husband has been looking at extreme pornography, having sex with prostitutes or is chronically womanising. However, Brandy draws back the layers and allows you to see what is really going on - and why it's not as bleak as you think. It's also helpful for men to understand how their problems might present in the sexual arena but it's generally not all about their p Thank goodness for a fresh and accessible look at men and sex. It is really easy for women to be overwhelmed when they discover their husband has been looking at extreme pornography, having sex with prostitutes or is chronically womanising. However, Brandy draws back the layers and allows you to see what is really going on - and why it's not as bleak as you think. It's also helpful for men to understand how their problems might present in the sexual arena but it's generally not all about their penis after all. (Sadly men are trained not to listen to their feelings but to prioritise their sexual needs, so it's not surprising that seemingly unconnected problems pop up in the bedroom) What makes this book doubly interesting is that Brandy shares her own journey from horrified bystander about men's wilder habits, through being able to understand and finally start to challenge her own view about sex and love. Ultimately, she realises that she has been freighting sex with all sorts of baggage too and how difficult it is for both men AND women to see their sexuality as a free expression of love, life and eroticism and not all these EXPECTATIONS (about how we and our partner should be). I've give it four rather than five stars because it is more about bringing fresh thinking to your sex life rather than a step by step approach on how to implement these ideas into your everyday love-making. However, I have already recommended it to two clients (and one male client has recommended it to his friends).

  19. 4 out of 5

    Micki

    Very entertaining, easy read that is often thought-provoking.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Sarah

    While the subject matter is interesting, I couldn't stand this book. I hated the interjections by the author of her personal views or comments of what her patient was sharing. I felt at times that I had a more mature perspective of her patients and subject matter than she did. I also felt that while she thought very highly of herself as a psychologist and being able to provide treatment, she didn't do much self-reflection so see what was going wrong in her own love life. Or if she did, she just While the subject matter is interesting, I couldn't stand this book. I hated the interjections by the author of her personal views or comments of what her patient was sharing. I felt at times that I had a more mature perspective of her patients and subject matter than she did. I also felt that while she thought very highly of herself as a psychologist and being able to provide treatment, she didn't do much self-reflection so see what was going wrong in her own love life. Or if she did, she just glossed over it. I would much rather have preferred to hear each case independently as the patient told it, and then perhaps have Brandy insert her commentary afterwards or provide a summary of her recommendations and follow up. I didn't care for her constant person interjections. I would not have finished this book if we hadn't been reading it for book club. Many of the girls raved about this book, and I have to agree that the subject matter is very interesting to learn about (coming from a female perspective). I just couldn't get into it - kept getting distracted and annoyed with the author's commentary.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Valerie Baber

    Dr. Brandy Engler takes us on an insightful and emotionally challenging journey as she begins her private sex therapy practice in Manhattan. During her time helping men and couples sort out their personal intimacy crises, she, too, learns valuable lessons from an exciting roller-coaster relationship with an exotic older man. This book takes us from the very beginning in Florida, when Brandy is a waitress and Psych student, to New York, where she learns about what men really want, to Los Angeles, Dr. Brandy Engler takes us on an insightful and emotionally challenging journey as she begins her private sex therapy practice in Manhattan. During her time helping men and couples sort out their personal intimacy crises, she, too, learns valuable lessons from an exciting roller-coaster relationship with an exotic older man. This book takes us from the very beginning in Florida, when Brandy is a waitress and Psych student, to New York, where she learns about what men really want, to Los Angeles, where she continues her practice as a wife to a man not quite so exotic as the first (but much healthier) and more developed therapist (who, presumably, no longer has to throw keys at mice in the middle of the night). This is also available as an audiobook, so if you're pressed on time but think you can benefit from getting inside the heads of men and a sex therapist who treats them (we all can), I highly recommend this book. Be warned that some of her clients may challenge your belief system and patience, but his WILL help you grow and understand.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Birute Railiene

    It is the second best book about men-women relations I have read. First one was Männer. Eine Spezies wird besichtigt. Well, I read both in Lithuanian. Sometimes I wonder, what if I read those books 30 years ago? I would have saved sooo much energy NOT trying to change men. I still could not find how to insert quote in a proper place, so here it is: "Svarsčiau, kaip sugenda paprasti žmonės. Tai lėtas, nepastebimas procesas, prasidedantis pačiam žmogui nežinanti; tylus vidinis ūžesys ignoruojamas, t It is the second best book about men-women relations I have read. First one was Männer. Eine Spezies wird besichtigt. Well, I read both in Lithuanian. Sometimes I wonder, what if I read those books 30 years ago? I would have saved sooo much energy NOT trying to change men. I still could not find how to insert quote in a proper place, so here it is: "Svarsčiau, kaip sugenda paprasti žmonės. Tai lėtas, nepastebimas procesas, prasidedantis pačiam žmogui nežinanti; tylus vidinis ūžesys ignoruojamas, tačiau pamažu auga, stiprėja ir išplinta į kaulus bei kraują. Įsisiūbavusi jėga užvaldo kūną ir skatina nebepaisyti aukštų idealų, moralės ir įsipareigojimų; lojalumas antrajai pusei blėsta. Ūžesys virsta stipriu balsu, šaukiančiu: "Man reikia!", "Aš noriu!", kol galiausiai virsta akla manija. Vienus sugadina godumas, kitus - vienatvė, pavydas, neapykanta ar nepasitikėjimas".

  23. 5 out of 5

    Slim Khezri

    This skillfully written book is not about sex. It's about you, how you feel about yourself and the people with whom you have relationships. This book provides interesting insight both into some of the common problems that men experience in their intimate lives, and also into the mind of a therapist as she responds internally to what she sees in her sessions. Each story demonstrates the personal growth of client, and a piece of the authors growth as a compassionate human being that learns to look This skillfully written book is not about sex. It's about you, how you feel about yourself and the people with whom you have relationships. This book provides interesting insight both into some of the common problems that men experience in their intimate lives, and also into the mind of a therapist as she responds internally to what she sees in her sessions. Each story demonstrates the personal growth of client, and a piece of the authors growth as a compassionate human being that learns to look beyond the initial repulsion of a man behaving badly to see the injured and broken child underneath that is crying out for help.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Dragomir Draganov

    I absolutely like this book. It is a personal, really authentic story about a long journey towards the inner call to love and to be loved. Moreover, it is funny and sad at the same time; it triggers optimism and hope, but also provokes melancholy and even grief... That is what makes this book so good. One of the parts has deeply moved me. I wish I had read this book earlier.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Camille

    Lots of astute observations and I really felt transformed reading this book. It's very easy to judge the content at first but really interesting if you open yourself up to what Brandy is saying. I liked how she weaved her personal experiences in with the narratives of the men. You can tell writing this book was a cathartic growth process for the author and I felt like in a lot of ways I grew reading it. Lots of astute observations and I really felt transformed reading this book. It's very easy to judge the content at first but really interesting if you open yourself up to what Brandy is saying. I liked how she weaved her personal experiences in with the narratives of the men. You can tell writing this book was a cathartic growth process for the author and I felt like in a lot of ways I grew reading it.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Madi

    A really great book that debunks the preconceptions that stay behind infidelity, sexual dysfunctions and power games in relationships. Besides talking about her patients, the author analyses one of her most dramatic relationship also, all in a witty and sometimes funny manner. I would have loved to read even more details on some of the theories. This is the only reason for which I am not giving 5 stars to the book.

  27. 4 out of 5

    Puja

    great book. full of insights about life and love. it's really fascinating for me to learn about men from this angle - we so often hear the adage that men are driven by sex. the truth is, all humans are driven by intimacy, and sex is one of the easiest and most socially acceptable ways for men to express themselves. this book has stories about men and the women they love, and the reasons why they love them - but also the reasons why they resent them. highly recommended! great book. full of insights about life and love. it's really fascinating for me to learn about men from this angle - we so often hear the adage that men are driven by sex. the truth is, all humans are driven by intimacy, and sex is one of the easiest and most socially acceptable ways for men to express themselves. this book has stories about men and the women they love, and the reasons why they love them - but also the reasons why they resent them. highly recommended!

  28. 4 out of 5

    Carolyn

    This is an insightful book with engaging case histories — including Engler's own. Both women and men stand to learn about the motivations behind desire and need, and how even though we may think we know what drives us and why we behave as we do, oftentimes there are other forces at play that we're not even aware of. This is an insightful book with engaging case histories — including Engler's own. Both women and men stand to learn about the motivations behind desire and need, and how even though we may think we know what drives us and why we behave as we do, oftentimes there are other forces at play that we're not even aware of.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Marie-e

    I enjoyed this book a lot. I felt like a voyeur, sitting in on a year's worth of therapy sessions with multiple individuals, each one condensed in a chapter. The writer's personal growth parallels that of her clients; and she exposes and weaves her own loving relationship in the narrative, as it unfolded during this particular timeline. It helped me appreciate therapy further. I enjoyed this book a lot. I felt like a voyeur, sitting in on a year's worth of therapy sessions with multiple individuals, each one condensed in a chapter. The writer's personal growth parallels that of her clients; and she exposes and weaves her own loving relationship in the narrative, as it unfolded during this particular timeline. It helped me appreciate therapy further.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Danielle

    Honest and forward read. I enjoyed reading about these men's experiences, their feelings, insights, fears, desires, and so on. So much turmoil and stress stems from deep fears within ourselves that we cannot quite put a finger on without the help of someone as compassionate as Brandy. Definitely a book I will be having my female friends read, maybe even some male friends... Honest and forward read. I enjoyed reading about these men's experiences, their feelings, insights, fears, desires, and so on. So much turmoil and stress stems from deep fears within ourselves that we cannot quite put a finger on without the help of someone as compassionate as Brandy. Definitely a book I will be having my female friends read, maybe even some male friends...

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