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Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them: Battered Gay Men and Domestic Violence

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Domestic violence in gay male relationships is the third largest health problem for gay men in America today. Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them breaks the silence surrounding gay male domestic violence and exposes this hidden yet prevalent and destructive problem. The authors paint a vivid picture of gay men's domestic violence, bringing its brutality to life by including Domestic violence in gay male relationships is the third largest health problem for gay men in America today. Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them breaks the silence surrounding gay male domestic violence and exposes this hidden yet prevalent and destructive problem. The authors paint a vivid picture of gay men's domestic violence, bringing its brutality to life by including personal narratives, written by one of the authors, by clearly defining what it is and what it is not through lists of violent acts and criminal code categories, and by thoroughly examining and analyzing the criminal, mental health, medical, political, and interpersonal issues involved. The authors boldly depart from the battered women's literature by asserting that batterers have a diagnosable mental disorder, that battering is not gender based, and that much further criminalization of domestic violence is necessary.Striving for victim advocacy, the book underscores the idea that gay men's domestic violence is totally unacceptable and is caused solely by individual abusive gay men who choose to batter. The book builds on and departs from what is known about domestic violence, with the authors challenging several fundamental premises in the literature, unabashedly identifying battering as a mental disorder. The authors explain that victims cannot stop their battering partners from battering and virtually all batterers choose to harm their partners in a premeditated fashion. The authors provide practical steps and suggestions for victims who want to leave and stay away from their violent partners and for friends who want to help battered gay men. Chapters describe the scope of the problem and refute myths and misconceptions. There are several detailed theory chapters in which the authors explain why gay men's domestic violence occurs, who the batterers are, who the victims are at different stages of victimization, and how domestic violence can be stopped. A visionary, wide-ranging governmental and private plan of action is introduced, including lists of necessary laws and policies, as well as outlines of strong education, training, and advertising problems needed in various sectors of society. As a self-help book, Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them provides practical information on a never-before discussed topic. As a trainer's manual or teaching guide, it includes specific criteria for understanding the problem and for providing treatment.


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Domestic violence in gay male relationships is the third largest health problem for gay men in America today. Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them breaks the silence surrounding gay male domestic violence and exposes this hidden yet prevalent and destructive problem. The authors paint a vivid picture of gay men's domestic violence, bringing its brutality to life by including Domestic violence in gay male relationships is the third largest health problem for gay men in America today. Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them breaks the silence surrounding gay male domestic violence and exposes this hidden yet prevalent and destructive problem. The authors paint a vivid picture of gay men's domestic violence, bringing its brutality to life by including personal narratives, written by one of the authors, by clearly defining what it is and what it is not through lists of violent acts and criminal code categories, and by thoroughly examining and analyzing the criminal, mental health, medical, political, and interpersonal issues involved. The authors boldly depart from the battered women's literature by asserting that batterers have a diagnosable mental disorder, that battering is not gender based, and that much further criminalization of domestic violence is necessary.Striving for victim advocacy, the book underscores the idea that gay men's domestic violence is totally unacceptable and is caused solely by individual abusive gay men who choose to batter. The book builds on and departs from what is known about domestic violence, with the authors challenging several fundamental premises in the literature, unabashedly identifying battering as a mental disorder. The authors explain that victims cannot stop their battering partners from battering and virtually all batterers choose to harm their partners in a premeditated fashion. The authors provide practical steps and suggestions for victims who want to leave and stay away from their violent partners and for friends who want to help battered gay men. Chapters describe the scope of the problem and refute myths and misconceptions. There are several detailed theory chapters in which the authors explain why gay men's domestic violence occurs, who the batterers are, who the victims are at different stages of victimization, and how domestic violence can be stopped. A visionary, wide-ranging governmental and private plan of action is introduced, including lists of necessary laws and policies, as well as outlines of strong education, training, and advertising problems needed in various sectors of society. As a self-help book, Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them provides practical information on a never-before discussed topic. As a trainer's manual or teaching guide, it includes specific criteria for understanding the problem and for providing treatment.

33 review for Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them: Battered Gay Men and Domestic Violence

  1. 5 out of 5

    Kate Lowell

    It's kind of a 3.75. The book was written in 1991, in a very different cultural environment than we have now. Pros of the book is that it sets out very clearly what is and isn't abuse, something which hasn't changed in all the years that abuse has existed. It's very readable, doesn't overwhelm you with statistics, and has made use of what research existed at the time, with some extrapolation from research on battered women. The real-life episodes from the battered man were well-chosen, and do a g It's kind of a 3.75. The book was written in 1991, in a very different cultural environment than we have now. Pros of the book is that it sets out very clearly what is and isn't abuse, something which hasn't changed in all the years that abuse has existed. It's very readable, doesn't overwhelm you with statistics, and has made use of what research existed at the time, with some extrapolation from research on battered women. The real-life episodes from the battered man were well-chosen, and do a good job of illustrating the point that the person being battered sometimes will fight back, or stand up for themselves, but that does not mean they aren't being battered. The explanation of the escape plan was very well laid out, in steps that would be easy to follow. Cons are that the author hops up on his soapbox frequently, to the detriment of the reliability of the text, though it's very obvious when he's doing this, so not much harm done. He makes assumptions and extrapolates from data, or states "We know..." without ever supporting where the knowledge comes from. Examples from more than one story would have been good, though in the time that this book was being written, it was likely difficult to find others will to share that deeply. Overall, there's a lot of information in here that's still extremely useful. I would love to see an updated edition, with all the new information and studies that have since come out about the issue.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Al

    Don't agree with all of it Don't agree with all of it

  3. 5 out of 5

    Thad Messenger

  4. 4 out of 5

    Fenris Lyall

  5. 4 out of 5

    Michael

  6. 5 out of 5

    Kateryna Sylaska

  7. 5 out of 5

    Alonzo Vereen

  8. 5 out of 5

    Paige

  9. 4 out of 5

    Cynthissa

  10. 4 out of 5

    crystal c. watkins

  11. 5 out of 5

    KimberlyRose

  12. 4 out of 5

    Mikaela Shea

  13. 5 out of 5

    Molly

  14. 5 out of 5

    Alisha

  15. 4 out of 5

    Erica

  16. 5 out of 5

    Ashleigh

  17. 4 out of 5

    Kim

  18. 4 out of 5

    Brandon

  19. 5 out of 5

    Kalem Wright

  20. 5 out of 5

    dojodo

  21. 4 out of 5

    Monkton

  22. 4 out of 5

    Janet Morris

  23. 5 out of 5

    Shirley Aldana

  24. 4 out of 5

    Ari

  25. 4 out of 5

    Skhumbuzo

  26. 4 out of 5

    Kenneth Mabena

  27. 5 out of 5

    Sophus

  28. 4 out of 5

    Zacchary Powell

  29. 4 out of 5

    Jose

  30. 5 out of 5

    Isobel

  31. 5 out of 5

    Jessica V.

  32. 5 out of 5

    Annie

  33. 4 out of 5

    Kristie deRuiter

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