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Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands

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If you’re sick of all the ways you’ve tried to bring about change in your marriage—the silent treatment, nagging, one-way discussions, or pleading—it’s time to set aside those broken methods for a Christ-based approach. This book demonstrates how women can inspire, influence, and help their husbands move in positive directions. Replacing your plan of action with God’s lead If you’re sick of all the ways you’ve tried to bring about change in your marriage—the silent treatment, nagging, one-way discussions, or pleading—it’s time to set aside those broken methods for a Christ-based approach. This book demonstrates how women can inspire, influence, and help their husbands move in positive directions. Replacing your plan of action with God’s leads to a marital transformation where both partners are moving in sync, the way God intended. Gary Thomas draws concepts from his bestseller, Sacred Marriage, and outlines practical applications you can start using today. He also shows how marriages were transformed through these methods employed by real-life women. In these pages, you’ll also find a fresh perspective to help you understand your husband: the view of the marriage relationship through a man’s eyes. Thomas gives you insider information on how men think, feel, and can truly be motivated.


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If you’re sick of all the ways you’ve tried to bring about change in your marriage—the silent treatment, nagging, one-way discussions, or pleading—it’s time to set aside those broken methods for a Christ-based approach. This book demonstrates how women can inspire, influence, and help their husbands move in positive directions. Replacing your plan of action with God’s lead If you’re sick of all the ways you’ve tried to bring about change in your marriage—the silent treatment, nagging, one-way discussions, or pleading—it’s time to set aside those broken methods for a Christ-based approach. This book demonstrates how women can inspire, influence, and help their husbands move in positive directions. Replacing your plan of action with God’s leads to a marital transformation where both partners are moving in sync, the way God intended. Gary Thomas draws concepts from his bestseller, Sacred Marriage, and outlines practical applications you can start using today. He also shows how marriages were transformed through these methods employed by real-life women. In these pages, you’ll also find a fresh perspective to help you understand your husband: the view of the marriage relationship through a man’s eyes. Thomas gives you insider information on how men think, feel, and can truly be motivated.

30 review for Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands

  1. 4 out of 5

    Shaina

    This book was an amazingly refreshing eye-opener to God's call for wives in their marriage ministry. It's not a guide on how to "change your husband". This book is all about changing your marriage for the better by starting with YOURSELF. Thomas, charges wives to embrace the high call of marriage. The goal here, is that ultimately the change taking place in your spiritual walk with the Lord (taking on a Christ-like attitude) will be an example for your husband and call him to grow closer to God This book was an amazingly refreshing eye-opener to God's call for wives in their marriage ministry. It's not a guide on how to "change your husband". This book is all about changing your marriage for the better by starting with YOURSELF. Thomas, charges wives to embrace the high call of marriage. The goal here, is that ultimately the change taking place in your spiritual walk with the Lord (taking on a Christ-like attitude) will be an example for your husband and call him to grow closer to God as well. I've practically highlighted the entire book! It was a great read!

  2. 4 out of 5

    Lori

    This book was totally infuriating to me. Why? Because the author is probably right. The basic premise of this book is if you, as the wife, do the cooking, cleaning, child rearing and everything else you can possibly do, all without complaint and making your husband feel like he is the greatest man on the planet, then MAYBE, in a few weeks, months, or years, your husband will become the partner you would like him to be.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Tamara Sam

    If you view your marriage as a ministry, understanding that it's much bigger than 'just being happy', then you should check out this book. All that stuff sounds great; but practical meaningful application is what we crave. This isn't a book outlining the 10 steps to fixing your husband. Instead it speaks to wives about how to allow God to change your view of marriage, and of your husband. I highlighted the crap out this big.. lol But now here comes the real challenge: transforming what I now know If you view your marriage as a ministry, understanding that it's much bigger than 'just being happy', then you should check out this book. All that stuff sounds great; but practical meaningful application is what we crave. This isn't a book outlining the 10 steps to fixing your husband. Instead it speaks to wives about how to allow God to change your view of marriage, and of your husband. I highlighted the crap out this big.. lol But now here comes the real challenge: transforming what I now know into what I now do. Pray for a sistah lol :)

  4. 5 out of 5

    Mapperachel Matsudaira

    Gary Thomas should have titled this book "Letting Your Husband Off the Hook". The consistent premise is that it's up to wives to be the glue to hold their marriages together. How? By giving up on having their needs met and instead trying harder and harder and harder to make their husbands happy. Lower your expectations for your man and your marriage and remember that God will reward you in Heaven for your sacrifices on earth. Good luck ladies. Gary Thomas should have titled this book "Letting Your Husband Off the Hook". The consistent premise is that it's up to wives to be the glue to hold their marriages together. How? By giving up on having their needs met and instead trying harder and harder and harder to make their husbands happy. Lower your expectations for your man and your marriage and remember that God will reward you in Heaven for your sacrifices on earth. Good luck ladies.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Charity

    This book opened up my eyes to a lot but ultimately led me back to the Word of God to understand my position as my husbands helper, encourager, influencer,motivator,lover... it also helped me understand the differences between the male and female mind and so much more. Read it Family and friends even if your not married to get knowledge and understanding of how God intended marriage to be.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Sara Leacock

    I'm not married so I can't actually speak to the effectiveness of this book, but it seems like a good one. Even if you've got a great marriage, I think you could probably take some valuable lessons about the differences between men and women and how to better communicate with your husband. It was also very convicting that I need to work on my own sanctification first and foremost. I'm not married so I can't actually speak to the effectiveness of this book, but it seems like a good one. Even if you've got a great marriage, I think you could probably take some valuable lessons about the differences between men and women and how to better communicate with your husband. It was also very convicting that I need to work on my own sanctification first and foremost.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Micky Tang

    Marriage is a sacrifice. If we are of the faith, we are called to sacrifice, to love, to pray for, to submit so that our husbands--however spiritually mature--can move closer to God while being blessed by our quiet, patient, and diligent hearts. This book is great to read with a small group or one-on-one with a mentor. THere are questions to answer at the end of each chapter. I loved this book in that it did away with fairytale-like depictions of marriage. Some general topics are covered, along Marriage is a sacrifice. If we are of the faith, we are called to sacrifice, to love, to pray for, to submit so that our husbands--however spiritually mature--can move closer to God while being blessed by our quiet, patient, and diligent hearts. This book is great to read with a small group or one-on-one with a mentor. THere are questions to answer at the end of each chapter. I loved this book in that it did away with fairytale-like depictions of marriage. Some general topics are covered, along with some more specific challenges in marriage. Some marriages might need a bit more (professional) help than this book gives, but the book is definitely a great start. Best book on marriage I have read so far!

  8. 5 out of 5

    Charmin

    HIGHLIGHTS: 1. *Rule #1: stop taking your husband for granted. Women who ignore this aspect of marriage because they’re too busy with their children have it backward. They risk opening up their children to the devastating wound of divorce by not tending to the stability of their marriage. In willingly assuming the role of wife, you pledge to spend a good deal of effort and time on the welfare of your husband. 2. Wife Role: Your job as a wife is to fight to stay sensitive to your husband’s strengt HIGHLIGHTS: 1. *Rule #1: stop taking your husband for granted. Women who ignore this aspect of marriage because they’re too busy with their children have it backward. They risk opening up their children to the devastating wound of divorce by not tending to the stability of their marriage. In willingly assuming the role of wife, you pledge to spend a good deal of effort and time on the welfare of your husband. 2. Wife Role: Your job as a wife is to fight to stay sensitive to your husband’s strengths. He’s moved by a wife who lets him lead and then helps him get where he wants to go. Your lack of time limits your ability to help, but if you can find one or two really strategic ways to make your husband’s life run smoothly, you’ll cement his affections. 3. Work on Yourself: The reason it’s so important for you to concentrate on your own growth is so that you can avoid the sin of pride, which constantly tempts us to focus on changing our spouses while neglecting our own weaknesses. Your husband cannot possibly be all things to you. You are responsible to get certain things that you need for your own personal development—and emotional and spiritual health, outside of marriage. No husband, by himself, is enough; you still need others, and it’s your responsibility to cultivate those other relationships. 4. Be Happy: It does something to a man’s heart when his wife and kids look happy to see him. Without feeling appreciated, admired, and genuinely respected, your husband probably will never change. 5. Be Vigilant: *Keep your finger on the pulse of your marriage* A wise woman understands her husband’s desires and uses them to strengthen the relationship. She anticipates his needs and gives him something to look forward to when he comes home, reinforcing his need for her, his desire for her, and his focus for her. 6. Breakdown: Marriages breakdown because one or both partners simply stop trying to please their spouse. Many people in marriage simply stop caring about whether they’re “good in bed”. They abuse the security and commitment of the relationship, allowing their physical intimacy to fall into a predictable routine. 7. PLAY: Men want the freedom to occasionally do something “fun” without the guilt. Men love to laugh and we love women who have a great, spontaneous sense of humor. 8.It hurts men to talk through hurtful experiences. Because of the way, the female brain works (oxytocin release), talking through emotional issues have a calming effect, while the opposite is true for most men; such discussions create anxiety and stress. Usually, people stonewall as protection from feeling flooded (shell-shocked). His brain doesn’t work 9. Sex: Sex is the quickest way for a man to bond with a woman. Husbands are far more likely to be more heavily involved and invested in the home if their wife pursues him sexually. 10. In a mature marriage, romance is maintained only through hard work, deliberate choices, and concrete actions. You can’t force feelings, but you can choose to act so that feelings usually follow. If we act like we’re in love, we’ll keep falling in love.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Linda Sedillo

    This book was a great read. I learned so many things about men and women, the differences on how God created us. I hope to influence and shape the soul of my husband for the Lord. I would highly recommend this book to all married women who complain about their husbands. Love is unconditional and it is not earned but given freely. Martial love is sacrifice and worth it.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Sally

    Another in the seemingly-trademarked-array of "Sacred" books, this one focuses on how wives can influence their husbands. The first section emphasizes one's identity in Christ and reminds the reader to seek fulfillment in Christ, not in one's husband. The second section covers the way men think, the importance of marriage, and the most effective ways to communicate with and understand one's husband ("your man"--yes, he uses that term!). The third section gives some specific situations in which w Another in the seemingly-trademarked-array of "Sacred" books, this one focuses on how wives can influence their husbands. The first section emphasizes one's identity in Christ and reminds the reader to seek fulfillment in Christ, not in one's husband. The second section covers the way men think, the importance of marriage, and the most effective ways to communicate with and understand one's husband ("your man"--yes, he uses that term!). The third section gives some specific situations in which wives can impact their husbands: angry husbands, busy husbands, straying husbands, unsaved husbands, etc. This book would be very helpful to wives dealing with those specific situations, but all married women would benefit from the first two sections, especially the sections that give insight into the male mind.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Lisa

    I was very apprehensive to read this book. I have preconceived notions of what Christian male authors are going to tell me...is he going to tell me to cook and clean more to be a holy wife? Gag. Alas! I have been equally challenged, encouraged, and enlightened by this book. I've been reading with a group of women and we have all been profoundly affected by this book. We have all learned things about our husbands, our marriages, and our unique, individual desires, and how to serve one another bet I was very apprehensive to read this book. I have preconceived notions of what Christian male authors are going to tell me...is he going to tell me to cook and clean more to be a holy wife? Gag. Alas! I have been equally challenged, encouraged, and enlightened by this book. I've been reading with a group of women and we have all been profoundly affected by this book. We have all learned things about our husbands, our marriages, and our unique, individual desires, and how to serve one another better. This book is not about changing our husbands (as we can not change anyone), but about influencing them by encouraging and supporting them. Highly (and surprisingly) recommended.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Melissa Andrews

    A tough read - not because the material is difficult or poorly written; it's actually very well done - but because what he suggests a wife do to influence her husband often goes against the grain of how we think naturally. Definitely written for those who believe in God and in His power to change people (both wives abs husbands) and to bless marriages. He gives lots of practical advice and has lots of examples from real marriages. The contents definitely will make you think about your marriage a A tough read - not because the material is difficult or poorly written; it's actually very well done - but because what he suggests a wife do to influence her husband often goes against the grain of how we think naturally. Definitely written for those who believe in God and in His power to change people (both wives abs husbands) and to bless marriages. He gives lots of practical advice and has lots of examples from real marriages. The contents definitely will make you think about your marriage and how you are supporting your husband. Sigh. It's hard being a woman. :-)

  13. 5 out of 5

    Marliss Bombardier

    This is an absolutely great book for understanding your man from a man's perspective but fully sympathizing and engaged with the woman's perspecitve. If you got a lot out of "For Women Only" you will really appreciate this book which expands and goes much further than that one. Highly recommended. I would like to read his other books on marriage now. This is an absolutely great book for understanding your man from a man's perspective but fully sympathizing and engaged with the woman's perspecitve. If you got a lot out of "For Women Only" you will really appreciate this book which expands and goes much further than that one. Highly recommended. I would like to read his other books on marriage now.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Cindi McMenamin

    I read this book as research in writing my book "When a Woman Inspires Her Husband." This book was insightful and had great biblical advice on marriage as well as good insights by the author, although it starts off assuming the husband is pretty messed up or the wife is very frustrated in wanting to see some changes in him. Overall an excellent read, though. I read this book as research in writing my book "When a Woman Inspires Her Husband." This book was insightful and had great biblical advice on marriage as well as good insights by the author, although it starts off assuming the husband is pretty messed up or the wife is very frustrated in wanting to see some changes in him. Overall an excellent read, though.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Natalie Metrejean

    This book was very helpful for me as a newlywed. I do find myself wanting to change my husband to be more like me sometimes but this book showed me that not only is my method not helping, but I could also be getting in the way. Because it's written from a mans perspective I found it very different from other books on the subject. This book was very helpful for me as a newlywed. I do find myself wanting to change my husband to be more like me sometimes but this book showed me that not only is my method not helping, but I could also be getting in the way. Because it's written from a mans perspective I found it very different from other books on the subject.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Indira

    This book is unique in that it is written by a man to help us better understand the kind of love our husbands thrive on. I learned so much by reading this book that I am hoping to practice in my own marriage.

  17. 4 out of 5

    maggie

    This book gives hope and a strategy. Choosing to love your husband whatever his failings in the context of you being a loved child of God is a surprisingly empowering message for a wife. The case histories are believable and inspire the reader to get busy.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Kristi Thomas

    I deeply appreciate Gary Thomas' work, and this one didn't dissapoint. Great writing, authentic, easy to follow, sound theology, and grounded in Scripture. Any woman- married or single- would benefit from reading this book and applying it to their life. I deeply appreciate Gary Thomas' work, and this one didn't dissapoint. Great writing, authentic, easy to follow, sound theology, and grounded in Scripture. Any woman- married or single- would benefit from reading this book and applying it to their life.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Damon Gray

    Sacred Influence author Gary Thomas is a writer in residence at Second Baptist Church in Houston, and an adjunct faculty member teaching on spiritual formation at Western Seminary in Portland, even though he makes his home in Washington state just a few miles from my own home. Thomas is the author of several outstanding books, including Sacred Marriage, Sacred Pathways, Pure Pleasure, Sacred Parenting, and the Gold Medallion Award winning, Authentic Faith. I recommend this specific book, particul Sacred Influence author Gary Thomas is a writer in residence at Second Baptist Church in Houston, and an adjunct faculty member teaching on spiritual formation at Western Seminary in Portland, even though he makes his home in Washington state just a few miles from my own home. Thomas is the author of several outstanding books, including Sacred Marriage, Sacred Pathways, Pure Pleasure, Sacred Parenting, and the Gold Medallion Award winning, Authentic Faith. I recommend this specific book, particularly for wives who struggle to understand why their husbands behave the way they do. If you're frustrated with your marriage, experiencing 'the silent treatment,' or 'stonewalling,' if you find yourself nagging your husband, if the conversations seem to be one-way discussions, then Thomas will suggest a Christ-based approach to understanding your husband, and learning how you, as his wife, can inspire, influence, and help him move in directions that induce positive intimacy in your marriage, resulting in a transformation wherein you and your husband are unified in your pursuit of God, and of one another. When reading this work, even identifying the less than admirable characteristics being called out in men (myself) I found myself over and over again saying, 'Yes! That is exactly how I feel!' As a woman, you will find in this book a fresh and insightful perspective to help you understand your husband as you begin to understand how your marriage looks through his eyes. It is not that your husband's view is perfect, or that his vantage point is the correct one, but seeing through his eyes will enable you to make sense of they way he behaves and responds to you. God has chosen you to do a meaningful work in your husband's life that only you can do, and understanding your husband's thought process will assist you in that noble calling. It is important to understand, however, that this book is not to be viewed as a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card for sinful, abusive, domineering husbands. It is not. This is a book written to a wife about her husband. This is not a good read for that woman who is in a neglectful, abusive marriage. It is, rather, perfect for an FM-frequency wife who is trying to hear, understand, and relate to her AM-frequency husband. If you, as a wife, find yourself asking, 'Why does my husband do [fill in the blank],' then this book is for you.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Alisha Greenlaw

    This was such a great read even though it took me a long time to get through it. It's one book that I will probably keep for forever because I've underlined and highlighted so much. I'm not always a fan of these kinds of Christian books simply because the information can seem redundant or too simple ("follow these three steps to have the perfect life!"). But this one was different, in my humble opinion. I found this book to be an insightful mix of Biblical truths and modern psychology. I feel li This was such a great read even though it took me a long time to get through it. It's one book that I will probably keep for forever because I've underlined and highlighted so much. I'm not always a fan of these kinds of Christian books simply because the information can seem redundant or too simple ("follow these three steps to have the perfect life!"). But this one was different, in my humble opinion. I found this book to be an insightful mix of Biblical truths and modern psychology. I feel like the male brain and chemistry was explained to me in a way that I had not been taught before. So naturally, I feel like I understand parts of my husband so much better. Of course this is generally speaking and doesn't account for all the different personality types, but I feel like the author did a great job of addressing that. This book isn't setting out to fix any single marriage issue (it doesn't claim to.) Rather, this book is a helpful guide for women who want to understand their spouse (or even potential spouse) better. There's lots of modern examples and information included. Highly highly recommend.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Christine

    I’ve read other books by Gary and I like his writing. I think he’s an effective communicator and is biblically based in his advice. This being said, there are two ways to view this book after reading. The first is, Gary is trying to tell wives to sacrifice in every area of their lives to let husbands do what they want and maybe get around to loving their wives better. The second, which is my opinion, is that the wisdom in this book communicates to wives to humble themselves, to embrace and learn I’ve read other books by Gary and I like his writing. I think he’s an effective communicator and is biblically based in his advice. This being said, there are two ways to view this book after reading. The first is, Gary is trying to tell wives to sacrifice in every area of their lives to let husbands do what they want and maybe get around to loving their wives better. The second, which is my opinion, is that the wisdom in this book communicates to wives to humble themselves, to embrace and learn to love humility, and the field sewed in humility will reap a harvest of joy and blessings. Humility is always a hard lesson, but it’s always worth the payoff. I’ll choose the path of humility.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Bookiemom LG

    This book calls women to REALLY take a look at themselves. Real change can only occur when the wives look at themselves. It REALLY calls wives to truly see and understand the true calling of marriage. This book had me in tears at times when I was reading. It really stepped on my toes and caused me to really take a look at myself and see what I was doing wrong. It hurt me to see that, but now I know what I must do. Stay focused on my marriage and not what my husband is doing wrong. I thank God fo This book calls women to REALLY take a look at themselves. Real change can only occur when the wives look at themselves. It REALLY calls wives to truly see and understand the true calling of marriage. This book had me in tears at times when I was reading. It really stepped on my toes and caused me to really take a look at myself and see what I was doing wrong. It hurt me to see that, but now I know what I must do. Stay focused on my marriage and not what my husband is doing wrong. I thank God for this book. It was a good read.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Lynette Karg

    Though this book does have some practical suggestions that might improve the wife's interaction with her husband, I would be hesitant to recommend it. At times it seems that the author is recommending a type of behavior modification intead of obedience to Christ and the Scriptures. It is very easy to get the impression that if wives will just do XYZ then husbands will respond accordingly, which is not the case, and should not be the motivation. If it is, we will give up if it is not "working" or Though this book does have some practical suggestions that might improve the wife's interaction with her husband, I would be hesitant to recommend it. At times it seems that the author is recommending a type of behavior modification intead of obedience to Christ and the Scriptures. It is very easy to get the impression that if wives will just do XYZ then husbands will respond accordingly, which is not the case, and should not be the motivation. If it is, we will give up if it is not "working" or producing desired results.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Paige Cuthbertson| Turning_Every_Paige

    I REALLY enjoyed this one, and I’d highly recommend it. I didn’t always agree with everything he said, and I don’t think he interpreted some of his scripture passages correctly, but I felt that he made great applications. Another thing I loved about this book is that it’s a book for wives written by a husband! Such a unique, eye-opening perspective! Wonderful book on being the wife God intended for you to be so that your man can be the husband God intends for him to be. Loved it!

  25. 5 out of 5

    MissusNesbitt

    This is definitely going to be a re-read. I didn't love it, but maybe that's because it presented ideas that I really struggle with. It was not a feel-good marriage book, focusing on what a husband and wife can do for their marriage. It was written by a Christian husband who wanted to give a male perspective on what men would like their wives to be like. Maybe it hit a little too close to home... :S This is definitely going to be a re-read. I didn't love it, but maybe that's because it presented ideas that I really struggle with. It was not a feel-good marriage book, focusing on what a husband and wife can do for their marriage. It was written by a Christian husband who wanted to give a male perspective on what men would like their wives to be like. Maybe it hit a little too close to home... :S

  26. 4 out of 5

    Cheryl Kershaw

    Powerful words of wisdom! My fiancé and I bought this book for my daughter and her husband. We decided to read it also and found wonderful ideas to ensure that we stay on the right path in our marriage and avoid widening any gaps. We also talked through the chapters about men so I could better understand him in relation to most men as described in the book.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Cheryl

    Wow wow wow I never read a marriage book like this before. I wish i had much earlier in my marriage! This brings up so many issues that can come up and godly examples of people triumphing over each of them. Not easy.. not quick examples but real true stories of people who did not give up.. even the big stuff. highly recommended.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Joel Hoyt

    I read this as part of a reading project that included reading something targeted towards the opposite sex. This was alright, it taught me a bit about being a husband, and I think it's got some value. Definitely no quick fixes here though. I read this as part of a reading project that included reading something targeted towards the opposite sex. This was alright, it taught me a bit about being a husband, and I think it's got some value. Definitely no quick fixes here though.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Holly Beadle

    Highly recommend this book. It is one that I'll reread on a regular basis. Highly recommend this book. It is one that I'll reread on a regular basis.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Jacky Dewar

    Convicting read. Easy to read writing style. Plenty of practical advice and insights. I'd recommend to any Christian wife looking to strengthen her marriage. Convicting read. Easy to read writing style. Plenty of practical advice and insights. I'd recommend to any Christian wife looking to strengthen her marriage.

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