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When It's Never About You: The People-Pleaser's Guide to Reclaiming Your Health, Happiness and Personal Freedom

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Do you sometimes feel as if you exist only to satisfy others wants and needs, but never your own? Is your physical, mental and emotional health suffering as a result? Everyone loves a people-pleaser. They’re always willing to help, to stay late, to fill in, to “go along.” But if you’re one of them, you often end up feeling violated, ignored, disrespected, and disconnected Do you sometimes feel as if you exist only to satisfy others wants and needs, but never your own? Is your physical, mental and emotional health suffering as a result? Everyone loves a people-pleaser. They’re always willing to help, to stay late, to fill in, to “go along.” But if you’re one of them, you often end up feeling violated, ignored, disrespected, and disconnected—from life and others. Silently enduring the ongoing and relentless invalidation of who you are and what you want will reliably wreak havoc on your health and the health of your relationships. So, are you ready to put less “Yes” and more “You” in your life? In “When It’s Never About You”, psychotherapist, Ilene S. Cohen, uses real-world examples and activities to help you take a systemic look at people-pleasing. You’ll learn… • How to reclaim a strong and balanced sense of self—while still being a “good person.” • How to break the harmful behavior patterns that keep you from being heard, listened to and respected. • Specific strategies for transforming yourself from selfless to “self-full.” • How to go from feeling “vanished” to being clearly differentiated. • How to get what you want and need—while actually earning even more respect from others. Tired of disappearing from life? Ready for the “pleasing prescription”? “When It’s Never About You” will give you the tools and confidence to put yourself first, while bringing the best YOU to those who depend on you!


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Do you sometimes feel as if you exist only to satisfy others wants and needs, but never your own? Is your physical, mental and emotional health suffering as a result? Everyone loves a people-pleaser. They’re always willing to help, to stay late, to fill in, to “go along.” But if you’re one of them, you often end up feeling violated, ignored, disrespected, and disconnected Do you sometimes feel as if you exist only to satisfy others wants and needs, but never your own? Is your physical, mental and emotional health suffering as a result? Everyone loves a people-pleaser. They’re always willing to help, to stay late, to fill in, to “go along.” But if you’re one of them, you often end up feeling violated, ignored, disrespected, and disconnected—from life and others. Silently enduring the ongoing and relentless invalidation of who you are and what you want will reliably wreak havoc on your health and the health of your relationships. So, are you ready to put less “Yes” and more “You” in your life? In “When It’s Never About You”, psychotherapist, Ilene S. Cohen, uses real-world examples and activities to help you take a systemic look at people-pleasing. You’ll learn… • How to reclaim a strong and balanced sense of self—while still being a “good person.” • How to break the harmful behavior patterns that keep you from being heard, listened to and respected. • Specific strategies for transforming yourself from selfless to “self-full.” • How to go from feeling “vanished” to being clearly differentiated. • How to get what you want and need—while actually earning even more respect from others. Tired of disappearing from life? Ready for the “pleasing prescription”? “When It’s Never About You” will give you the tools and confidence to put yourself first, while bringing the best YOU to those who depend on you!

30 review for When It's Never About You: The People-Pleaser's Guide to Reclaiming Your Health, Happiness and Personal Freedom

  1. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    Do you sometimes feel as if you exist only to satisfy others wants and needs, but never your own? Is your physical, mental and emotional health suffering as a result? Silently enduring the ongoing and relentless invalidation of who you are and what you want will reliably wreak havoc on your health and the health of your relationships. So, are you ready to put less “Yes” and more “You” in your life? In “When It’s Never About You”, psychotherapist, Ilene S. Cohen, uses real-world examples and activi Do you sometimes feel as if you exist only to satisfy others wants and needs, but never your own? Is your physical, mental and emotional health suffering as a result? Silently enduring the ongoing and relentless invalidation of who you are and what you want will reliably wreak havoc on your health and the health of your relationships. So, are you ready to put less “Yes” and more “You” in your life? In “When It’s Never About You”, psychotherapist, Ilene S. Cohen, uses real-world examples and activities to help you take a systemic look at people-pleasing. “When It’s Never About You” will give you the tools and confidence to put yourself first, while bringing the best YOU to those who depend on you! Wow!! What a book. Amazing and awesome are too less to be used for describing it. I loved this book.. I have recommended this book to 10 of my friends who are in the same state as I was. Please write more such books. The world has enough of romantic, erotic and fantasy genres and more so in the world of self improvement but this book – is one of a kind!! Her website is just so awesome.. The activities at the end of the book are self analytical. I do overthink at times and this book taught me to let go it for the better. I have seen a lot of changes in my spirit and feel at ease with myself now- in the realm of absolute serenity. I wish Dr Ilene all the very best for her future authorship works and I wish to be the #1 reviewer for her always.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Alison Flanagan

    Written in a conversational, easy to read style which makes it simple to pick up and put down in between the craziness of life while still getting plenty of content from it. At the end of each chapter is self-reflection opportunities and way to observe yourself over the next week to learn about your own behavior. Dr. Cohen looks at the detrimental "people pleasing" tendency in a lot of us and approaches it from every angle. If a certain chapter, or part of a chapter, doesn't seem to apply to you Written in a conversational, easy to read style which makes it simple to pick up and put down in between the craziness of life while still getting plenty of content from it. At the end of each chapter is self-reflection opportunities and way to observe yourself over the next week to learn about your own behavior. Dr. Cohen looks at the detrimental "people pleasing" tendency in a lot of us and approaches it from every angle. If a certain chapter, or part of a chapter, doesn't seem to apply to you...you can be sure she will be talking about you directly in the next few pages! I recommend this for anyone who has been told consistently they are a people pleaser or has noticed the tendency themselves. If you use it as a guide and a self-reflection tool, you will be able to change your behavior utilizing this book. (It does have several typos in it.)

  3. 4 out of 5

    Renae

    I feel like I am a people pleaser who is already in recovery. Reading this was just very affirming of all of the hard work I did in 2019. I still have backslides sometimes, but overall I feel like a happier person with much healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Everything in this book is like insanely good advice for people who struggle with anxiety and difficult emotions around their interactions with others. And for people who are always trying to keep the peace and make everyone happy I feel like I am a people pleaser who is already in recovery. Reading this was just very affirming of all of the hard work I did in 2019. I still have backslides sometimes, but overall I feel like a happier person with much healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Everything in this book is like insanely good advice for people who struggle with anxiety and difficult emotions around their interactions with others. And for people who are always trying to keep the peace and make everyone happy when it’s not our job to do that and it’s okay to let people sort out their own shit. It’s okay to let people fail, and it’s okay to say, I’ve got too much on my plate, maybe another time.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Kathy Pollard

    My mind is spinning! I wish I had this book 30 years ago. As Dr. Ilene says "you're never to old". I'm 63 and hope to begin my life now. Starting my second read through and taking many notes this time. My sister is an alcoholic and seem to call me when she was not at her best. I always wanted to tell her not to call at that time. I feel so proud that I finally took the bull by the horns. I said I would talk to her any other time. Yes, just as Dr. Ilene said she is not talking to me. I hope that w My mind is spinning! I wish I had this book 30 years ago. As Dr. Ilene says "you're never to old". I'm 63 and hope to begin my life now. Starting my second read through and taking many notes this time. My sister is an alcoholic and seem to call me when she was not at her best. I always wanted to tell her not to call at that time. I feel so proud that I finally took the bull by the horns. I said I would talk to her any other time. Yes, just as Dr. Ilene said she is not talking to me. I hope that will change soon, but I'm standing my ground and not being a people pleaser about this. Thank you Dr. Ilene for helping me see the truth about myself.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Valerie

    When I was offered this book, I knew it was one that I needed to read. The author shares insight and stories about how people pleasing people can take back their lives. In a subject that is not easy to talk about or to understand why people do what they do, this book has some positive thoughts on the subject. A very informative read.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Fred Fanning

    This is a well-written book that provides information to help the reader overcome people pleasing habits. I really liked the book and think the information is very useful. I especially liked the activity at the end of each chapter and the real-life experiences.

  7. 4 out of 5

    David Oliveira

    Excellent book full with practical examples This book is full of useful and practical information for people pleasers. Highly recommend it for who seeks some extra insight about it. ☺

  8. 5 out of 5

    gj indieBRAG

    We are proud to announce that WHEN IT'S NEVER ABOUT YOU: The People-Pleaser's guide to Reclaiming Your Health, Happiness and Personal Freedom by Ilene S. Cohen is a B.R.A.G.Medallion Honoree. This tells readers that this book is well worth their time and money!

  9. 4 out of 5

    patricio

    Excellent book I've found the book really helpful and very well written. It is also authentic. It is a book I could easily read again and learn more things from it.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Lucretia Apperloo

    This book came to me at the perfect time! I needed it and I learned so much from it!

  11. 4 out of 5

    Therese Young

  12. 5 out of 5

    Lilian

    A casually written but insightful book that I wish I had in my early 20s. Dr Ilene anchors her book on Bowen's theory-familial influence on building one's character as a people-pleaser. She shares her own experiences of people-pleasing and how that changed after her grandpa's death. I think the exercises at the end of each chapter are quite useful.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Greg

  14. 5 out of 5

    kelly carlisle

  15. 4 out of 5

    Mary

  16. 4 out of 5

    Abdul

  17. 5 out of 5

    Peeraya Maetasatidsuk

  18. 5 out of 5

    Megan

  19. 4 out of 5

    Olivia Bloomhuff

  20. 5 out of 5

    Katie LeGros

  21. 5 out of 5

    Lucianna Wolfstone

  22. 4 out of 5

    Caralen

  23. 4 out of 5

    Kamala

  24. 5 out of 5

    Adrianne Tan

  25. 4 out of 5

    Penny Sansevieri

  26. 5 out of 5

    Steph Busby

  27. 4 out of 5

    Cheryl A. Martin

  28. 4 out of 5

    Amy Hogan

  29. 5 out of 5

    Roya Sadeghalnejat

  30. 5 out of 5

    Kim Sturdivant

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