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How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men

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At a time when many boys are in crisis, a much-needed roadmap for helping boys grow into strong and compassionate men Over the past two decades there has been an explosion of new studies that have expanded our knowledge of how boys think and feel. In How to Raise a Boy, psychologist Michael Reichert draws on his decades of research to challenge age-old conventions about At a time when many boys are in crisis, a much-needed roadmap for helping boys grow into strong and compassionate men Over the past two decades there has been an explosion of new studies that have expanded our knowledge of how boys think and feel. In How to Raise a Boy, psychologist Michael Reichert draws on his decades of research to challenge age-old conventions about how boys become men. Reichert explains how the paradigms about boys needing to be stoic and "man like" can actually cause them to shut down, leading to anger, isolation, and disrespectful or even destructive behaviors. The key to changing the culture lies in how parents, educators, and mentors help boys develop socially and emotionally. Reichert offers readers step-by-step guidance in doing just this by: - Listening and observing, without judgment, so that boys know they're being heard. - Helping them develop strong connections with teachers, coaches, and other role models - Encouraging them to talk about their feelings about the opposite sex and stressing the importance of respecting women - Letting them know that they don't have to "be a man" or "suck it up," when they are experiencing physical or emotional pain. Featuring the latest insights from psychology and neuroscience, How to Raise a Boy will help those who care for young boys and teenagers build a boyhood that will enable them to grow into confident, accomplished and kind men.


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At a time when many boys are in crisis, a much-needed roadmap for helping boys grow into strong and compassionate men Over the past two decades there has been an explosion of new studies that have expanded our knowledge of how boys think and feel. In How to Raise a Boy, psychologist Michael Reichert draws on his decades of research to challenge age-old conventions about At a time when many boys are in crisis, a much-needed roadmap for helping boys grow into strong and compassionate men Over the past two decades there has been an explosion of new studies that have expanded our knowledge of how boys think and feel. In How to Raise a Boy, psychologist Michael Reichert draws on his decades of research to challenge age-old conventions about how boys become men. Reichert explains how the paradigms about boys needing to be stoic and "man like" can actually cause them to shut down, leading to anger, isolation, and disrespectful or even destructive behaviors. The key to changing the culture lies in how parents, educators, and mentors help boys develop socially and emotionally. Reichert offers readers step-by-step guidance in doing just this by: - Listening and observing, without judgment, so that boys know they're being heard. - Helping them develop strong connections with teachers, coaches, and other role models - Encouraging them to talk about their feelings about the opposite sex and stressing the importance of respecting women - Letting them know that they don't have to "be a man" or "suck it up," when they are experiencing physical or emotional pain. Featuring the latest insights from psychology and neuroscience, How to Raise a Boy will help those who care for young boys and teenagers build a boyhood that will enable them to grow into confident, accomplished and kind men.

30 review for How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men

  1. 4 out of 5

    Edita Kazakevičienė

    „Nuo tos akimirkos, kai nustatoma, kad kūdikis bus vyriškosios lyties, net kai jis dar įsčiose, su berniuku jau elgiamasi kitaip nei su mergaite.” Esu dviejų berniukų mama ir labai džiaugiuosi, kad vis garsiau kalbama apie stereotipus ir mitus, kuriais gausiai apipintas vyriškumas mūsų kultūroje. Pradedant žaislais, žaidimais, drabužiais ir baigiant elgesio normomis. „Tikri vyrai neverkia” „Pakentėk, būk vyras” „Nebūk mamyčiukas” „Neverkšlenk kaip boba” Labai jautriai, nuoširdžiai ir pozityviai p „Nuo tos akimirkos, kai nustatoma, kad kūdikis bus vyriškosios lyties, net kai jis dar įsčiose, su berniuku jau elgiamasi kitaip nei su mergaite.” Esu dviejų berniukų mama ir labai džiaugiuosi, kad vis garsiau kalbama apie stereotipus ir mitus, kuriais gausiai apipintas vyriškumas mūsų kultūroje. Pradedant žaislais, žaidimais, drabužiais ir baigiant elgesio normomis. „Tikri vyrai neverkia” „Pakentėk, būk vyras” „Nebūk mamyčiukas” „Neverkšlenk kaip boba” Labai jautriai, nuoširdžiai ir pozityviai parašyta, atspindinti šiuolaikines aktualijas, knyga. Autorius nepamokslaudamas atsisako tradicinio pasaulio skirstymo į rožinį ir mėlyną. Jis į berniuką pirmiausia žiūri kaip į ŽMOGŲ, unikalią asmenybę, gebančią jausti įvairius jausmus ir emocijas, o ne tik chromosomų rinkinį. Rekomenduoju berniukų tėvams, darželių auklėtojams, mokytojams, treneriams ir visiems, kam rūpi berniukai. Apžvalga: https://profesionalimama.wordpress.co...

  2. 5 out of 5

    Nora|KnyguDama

    Jau kai tik pradėjau Mariuko lauktis, puoliau skaityt visų ir visokių knygų kaip tą berniuką užauginti padoriu žmogum. Griebiau vieną, griebiau kitą, skaičiau ir kažkaip nieko ypatingai naujo nesužinojau. Perskaičius krūvas tokių knygų supratau, kad ne knygose bėda, o laimė manyje. Laimė, kad augau šeimoje ir aplinkoje, kuri sugebėjo man įdiegti geras, teisingas ir tvirtas vertybes apie lytis, vaikus, auginimą ir auklėjimą. Man nėra naujiena, kad ir berniukai ir mergaitės verkia, nėra stebuklas, Jau kai tik pradėjau Mariuko lauktis, puoliau skaityt visų ir visokių knygų kaip tą berniuką užauginti padoriu žmogum. Griebiau vieną, griebiau kitą, skaičiau ir kažkaip nieko ypatingai naujo nesužinojau. Perskaičius krūvas tokių knygų supratau, kad ne knygose bėda, o laimė manyje. Laimė, kad augau šeimoje ir aplinkoje, kuri sugebėjo man įdiegti geras, teisingas ir tvirtas vertybes apie lytis, vaikus, auginimą ir auklėjimą. Man nėra naujiena, kad ir berniukai ir mergaitės verkia, nėra stebuklas, kad vyrai turi emocijas, o jų ašaros irgi jokio šoko neįvaro. Kaip ir sakiau – teisingoje atmosferoje augau. Man gerai. Bet, o kiek yra šeimų, kurios kvėpavo kitkuo. Kiek yra toksiškų sąlygų, toksiškos aplinkos, kuriose rožinė ir mėlyna spalvos brukamos kaip vienintelis variantas. Kuriose, berniukai nejaučia ir nesidalina. Kur jautrus berniukas yra keistenybė, kur berniukas nesidomintis sportu yra keistas. Kur berniukas nenorintis keiktis ir muštis nepritampa. Dievulėliau.. Džiaugiuosi, kad skaitot ir galvojat „Jezau, kokia nesąmonė… “, bet žinokit, kiek yra daug žmonių šitom sapalionėm tikinčių… Iš ten ir atsiranda tokios knygos. Iš to noro atvesti žmones į protus, kad berniukai irgi žmonės, o ne kažkios bejausmės, tik sportuojančios, nieko nebijančios ir uždirbančios būtybės. Kad muštro nereikia. Kad jie gali verkti, jausti, dalintis ir nenorėti būti mačo vyrais. Taigi, ši knyga pateikia ir nemažai konkrečių pavyzdžių. Deja, didžioji jų dalis man pasirodė neišplėtota.. Norėjosi daugiau to prieš /po pavyzdžio, daugiau asmeniškesnių pavyzdžių, kažko ko nebūčiau skaičiusi. Nors autorius tikrai dėlioja visus teisingus ir reikalingus akcentus, man viskas buvo taip… skaityta/matyta/girdėta ir dar vietomis gan sausoka. Kam siūlyčiau šią knygą? Tiems, kam ji bus pirmoji kalbanti šia tema. Kalba nuo mažylių iki jaunuolių, nuo prisitaikymo darželyje, iki seksualinių potyrių. Duoda patarimų tiek mokytojams, kaip prieiti prie užsisklendusio vaiko, tiek tėvams, ieškantiems kelio į nekalbantį sūnų. Kaip ir minėjau, skaičiau ne vieną ir ne dvi, tad man šioje knugoje man nebuvo labai daug naujo. Buvo minčių, kurias pasižymėjau, bet nieko sukrėtusio mano pasaulį.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Tanya

    As a mom of boys, I'm forever wanting the American education system to do their job better as I think they continue to fail their male students from elementary to high school level. This book was interesting with its studies researched although some of the real life experiences were a bit dry and made me skim here and there. I don't usually go for books like these because there's no book in the world that can tell a parent how to raise a child; I was intrigued by the subtitle and did feel the au As a mom of boys, I'm forever wanting the American education system to do their job better as I think they continue to fail their male students from elementary to high school level. This book was interesting with its studies researched although some of the real life experiences were a bit dry and made me skim here and there. I don't usually go for books like these because there's no book in the world that can tell a parent how to raise a child; I was intrigued by the subtitle and did feel the author did a good job at supporting his proof on the power of connnection to building good men - that title alone would be best. This is not a parenting book. I find the relationships between boys fascinating and it is so different than girls. Again, being a mom to boys, I see this from them, their friends, and the experiences raising them through the past 20 years. The frustration for me is when you send your boys into the world - how will people respond to them, help them, teach them, love them, interact with them. As a parent, you know your child very well. You have a very good idea how the child will do these things when put in the world - but how the world comes back at them can be life changing. We as a society tend to take more care in helping girls navigate through these issues and changes than we do for boys. Boys, according to the book, have twice the harder time of it in so many areas yet again, they aren't tended to as girls are. I wonder how and when this can change.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Amanda

    I cannot express how profound this book is. If you have a son, if you work with boys, love a boy, or just know one; I am begging you to read this book. Dr. Reichert presents the most inspiring, hopeful portrait of boyhood I have ever read. He provides compelling research and information on how we are getting masculinity all wrong, how we are damaging our sons and how to fix it. Boys are hurting and in turn hurting others. They need deep, meaningful connections with others and the ability to expr I cannot express how profound this book is. If you have a son, if you work with boys, love a boy, or just know one; I am begging you to read this book. Dr. Reichert presents the most inspiring, hopeful portrait of boyhood I have ever read. He provides compelling research and information on how we are getting masculinity all wrong, how we are damaging our sons and how to fix it. Boys are hurting and in turn hurting others. They need deep, meaningful connections with others and the ability to express the full range of human emotions. Such important information. As a mother of four sons, I found this book especially powerful. I know you will too!

  5. 4 out of 5

    Daniel

    Boys are over diagnosed with ADHD and do less well in schools and end up in jail more often. How can we change this? Reichert shared his experience counselling boys: 1. Build strong bonds. Do not assume any bad behaviour as wilful misbehaving and testing the limits of power. Mothers must not withdraw from boys. Try and try again. Listen and do not give advice: attention, appreciation, affirmation. Be relaxed when confronted with bad behavior is key. Repair is always the job of the caregiver. 2. B Boys are over diagnosed with ADHD and do less well in schools and end up in jail more often. How can we change this? Reichert shared his experience counselling boys: 1. Build strong bonds. Do not assume any bad behaviour as wilful misbehaving and testing the limits of power. Mothers must not withdraw from boys. Try and try again. Listen and do not give advice: attention, appreciation, affirmation. Be relaxed when confronted with bad behavior is key. Repair is always the job of the caregiver. 2. Ban hazing completely. Do not tolerate this tradition which the school board usually turns a blind eye to. 3. Arrange after school meeting in dangerous neighbourhoods to talk to them, let them play games and chit chat. Connections are vital to boys just like girls. Rugged individualism has no anatomic basis. Boys learn about character from how other people treat them. 4. Let boys talk about their emotions and struggles. The masculine requirement is harming their emotional health. 5. See connection between our own past hurt and the relationship problems with our sons. 6. Schooling: 4 common misconceptions. 1) Boys must act strong to avoid being bullies so do sports to increase their standing. 2) Schools are failing boys. 3) Boys will be boys so schools cannot help. 4) There are different learning styles. 7. Connection with the teacher is everything: a boy will do it for that someone with whom he has a connection. However it is not just all fuzzy warm feelings. Teachers need to know their stuff, expect high standards, be responsive to the boy’s strength, share a common interest or trait with the boy, accommodate the boy’s naughty behaviour, and be vulnerable. 8. Good grades and being in the fast lane do not get along. Boys are teased if they do their homework and study hard, by the boys at the ‘top’. 9. They drink, have early sex, bully others, and try marijuana. Inside they are lonely and scared. Connections with a good friend and family protect boys from self-destructive behavior. 10. Pornography: a strong foundation and good close male senior figure helps. Boys find it hard to have normal relationship with girls after watching pornography which is often degrading to women. Most boys (and more girls) prefer committed romantic relationships than hook-ups, contrary to cultural depiction of boys always wanting to score. Boys with distant relationship with mothers, and whose fathers treat their mothers with disrespect, find it hard to be emotionally close to or respect girls. Amazingly, listening is much more important than correcting behaviour. 11. Health: the masculine ideal does not do vaccines, wear sunscreens or seat belts. The ideal man also drink excessively, drive dangerously, and take more drugs. They do more suicides. So boys die more than girls. 12. Violence: traditional masculine myths such as toughness, dominance, repression of empathy and extreme competitiveness encourage violence in kids. And that persists into adulthood. Violence observed and heard about (80% of some neighbourhoods) affect boys’ development. Violence prevention programs try to avoid fighting, but boys feel that they need to fight to preserve their dignity, show their prowess and avoid being bullied. Solution? ‘Relationship with caring adults, on top of parents’ according to the CDC! 13. Bullying, hazing: only 2 effective methods: 1. Talk to parents. 2. Whole school anti-bullying integration into teaching. Staff must challenge bullying; victims are empowered, bullies are not tolerated, and their frustrated energy redirected. For boys who are already at risk, group therapy (intense mentoring, positive reinforcement of good behaviour) is effective. 14. Social Media: explain to boys that images involving pornography and alcohol, and tweets with racist/anti-social contents will adversely affect their chance of college admission and getting a job. Limit their use of social media, and use the smartphone together with boys. 15. Incels and men going it alone result from men feeling left behind by social development. These include the growing importance of soft skills, the diminishing returns of physical strength, the outsized importance of education, gender inequality, globalisation and immigration. Reichert is especially against ‘back to the old days’ advice from such authors as Jordan Peterson, because they are based more from ideology, not evidence. 16. Advocate for your son, celebrate boyhood. Understand their situation and discuss solutions. Stand firm with limits but in a considerate and thoughtful manner. Act like a coach. Encourage emotional expression, including anger but never violence or other destructive behaviours. This is one of the rare books that is evidence based!

  6. 5 out of 5

    Kimberlee Auerbach

    This book changed how I parent my boys. I have a three year old and six year old. As you might imagine, they are sometimes hard to manage/discipline/get through to. Michael C. Reichert’s advice to provide predictable, dependable, special alone time with each boy, to let them dictate what we do, to listen them, even if it’s uncomfortable or awkward, even if I am triggered and don’t want them to be feeling what they are feeling, to be with them anyway, to stay connected, was all so revelatory to m This book changed how I parent my boys. I have a three year old and six year old. As you might imagine, they are sometimes hard to manage/discipline/get through to. Michael C. Reichert’s advice to provide predictable, dependable, special alone time with each boy, to let them dictate what we do, to listen them, even if it’s uncomfortable or awkward, even if I am triggered and don’t want them to be feeling what they are feeling, to be with them anyway, to stay connected, was all so revelatory to me. I loved what he says about every relationship going through a cycle or connection, disconnect and reconnection, and that as parents, we have to show and teach our kids how to reconnect; they don’t know how to do it. I wished I had been parented that way. I still, to this day, feel scared and alone when I’m in the stage of disconnection. This is hard work, but worth the effort. I imagine it like meditation. You’re not going to perfectly erase your mind of thoughts, but you can keep trying to let them go. This relational approach to nurturing boys and being the guardian of their boyhood demands open-hearted presence. I am up for the challenge. Are you? I hope so!

  7. 5 out of 5

    Barrett

    I listened to the audiobook, the first time I have ever tried the format. This title would be fine for somebody who hasn't read into the topic before. However, having finished a couple of other similar works, this was too general, consistently repeating the importance of connection and covering all the stereotypical issues. I was hoping to find much more detailed and creative suggestions for building the father-son relationship, perhaps interviewing more families with successful outcomes. Given I listened to the audiobook, the first time I have ever tried the format. This title would be fine for somebody who hasn't read into the topic before. However, having finished a couple of other similar works, this was too general, consistently repeating the importance of connection and covering all the stereotypical issues. I was hoping to find much more detailed and creative suggestions for building the father-son relationship, perhaps interviewing more families with successful outcomes. Given the vast quantity of research cited, I felt this book was very thin on helping the reader/listener to develop many specific action steps for building connections, and heavily focused on boys with significantly troubled family situations. Also, I am the father of a now 5 and 3 year old. This book is almost all focused on adolescents.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Knygų tinklaraštis

    DR. MICHAEL C. REICHERT “KAIP UŽAUGINTI SŪNŲ. RYŠIO SVARBA AUGINANT BERNIUKUS.” (2020 M.) 5/5. Knygoje pateikiamos naujausios psichologijos ir neuromokslų įžvalgos nekvestionuojamai suteiks daug žinių ar gražiai susistemins jau turimas visiems auginantiems berniukus ir paauglius. Tai svarbus traktatas ir MOKYKLOMS, ŠVIETIMO ĮSTAIGOMS, kurios irgi turi didelę įtaką formuojant jaunąjį žmogų. Tad labai norėtųsi, kad Lietuva, šiuo metu kurianti, svarstanti švietimo reformas, KAD ir tie atsakingieji a DR. MICHAEL C. REICHERT “KAIP UŽAUGINTI SŪNŲ. RYŠIO SVARBA AUGINANT BERNIUKUS.” (2020 M.) 5/5. Knygoje pateikiamos naujausios psichologijos ir neuromokslų įžvalgos nekvestionuojamai suteiks daug žinių ar gražiai susistemins jau turimas visiems auginantiems berniukus ir paauglius. Tai svarbus traktatas ir MOKYKLOMS, ŠVIETIMO ĮSTAIGOMS, kurios irgi turi didelę įtaką formuojant jaunąjį žmogų. Tad labai norėtųsi, kad Lietuva, šiuo metu kurianti, svarstanti švietimo reformas, KAD ir tie atsakingieji asmenys PASKAITYTŲ ŠIĄ KNYGĄ. Labai rekomenduoju. Būtinai paskaitykite, nes labai svarbu. Autorius remiasi galinga informacijos baze (10,5 lapų knygos gale skirta visoms cituotoms studijoms, moksliniams tyrimams, straipsniams ir t.t.) ir kalba apie poreikį keisti požiūrį į tai, kaip mes elgiamės su berniukais, kaip brukamas stereotipinis “toksiškas vyriškumas” ir nesąmoningai slopinamas emocinis intelektas. To pasekoje stebima destrukcinis elgesys paauglystėje, susvetimėjimas, maištas, muštynės, nesidomėjimas mokslu. Absoliučiai žalingą poveikį turi lyčių vaidmenų poliarizacija ir stereotipų gausus taikymas berniukus auklėjant/ auginant KITAIP nei mergaites. “Padauža” mergaitė yra viena, bet “lepūnėlis” berniukas- visai kas kita. Ir namie, ir žaidimų aikštelėje berniukai kur kas uoliau prižiūrimi, kad nenukryptų nuo nustatyto kurso.” (P. 23.) “Kultūriškai paplitęs ir per žiniasklaidą sklebiamas IŠPŪSTAS VYRIŠKUMO SUPRATIMAS kursto berniukų ekstremalų elgesį.” P. 24. Autorius parodo, kaip išankstinės nuostatos apie tai, koks TURI BŪTI berniukas ir kokias stereotipines vyriškumo normas jis TURI atitikti, YRA ŽALOJAMI berniukai ir jų psichologija. Toksiškas stoiškas darviniškasis vyriškumo kodas jau yra taip seniai atgyvenęs, bet vis dar nesąmoningai taikomas ugdant berniukus. Autorius išsamiai ir pagrįsdamas kalba apie viso to pasekmes. Kartu, knygoje gausu ir rekomendacijų, KAIP mes visi - tiek tėvai, tiek mokytojai, mokyklos bendruomenės, visos visuomenės - galėtume pasipriešinti šioms atgyvenusioms “toksiško vyriškumo” paradigmoms ir geriau rūpintis tvirto ryšio užmezgimu ir leidimu berniukams augti glaudžiame ryšyje su jųjų vidiniu “aš.” Nes kuo labiau toliname ypač berniukus, vyrus nuo jų tikrojo savęs, tuo labiau nukenčia ne tik jie patys bet ir visa aplinka. Nes nieko nėra sunkiau, turbūt, kaip nuolat įrodynėti, kad atitinki kažkokias normas. Autorius pozityviai ir viltingai žvelgia į šią temą. “…aš optimistiškai manau, kad šiuo metu bręsta istorinis perversmas. Nors į berniukus vis dar žiūrima laikantis praeityje susiformavusių mitų ir išankstinių nusistatymų, o nauja, palankesnė vyriškumo samprata dar neišstūmė paradigmų, prieštaravimai tarp ekonominių realijų, šeimos dinamikos ir tradicinių normų neišvengiamai verčia kitaip žvelgti į berniukų vaikystę. Nūdienos socialiniai poreikiai atskleidžia, koks ribojantis yra senasis berniukų vaikystės modelis, todėl naujos idėjos netruks paplisti.” P. 26-27. Aš taip pat esu šios nuomonės, kad padėtis gerėja, nes daugėja sąmoningų tėvų ir visų ugdymo bendruomenių žmonių tiek berniukų, tiek mergaičių ugdymo klausimais. Globalusis internetas ir žinių visuomenė keičiasi progresyviomis naujienomis, edukacine informacija; tad mes visi, kritiškai mąstydami, vengdami išankstinių vertinimų ir atsižvelgdami į kiekvieno- tiek mažo, tiek suaugusio- žmogaus teisę į unikalumą ir savastį, atidžiau įsiklausysime ir pamatysime visus žmones pagal jų potencialą. Tiesiog LEISKIME BŪTI. Ir labai svarbu visada visada kvestionuoti VISUOTINĘ IŠMINTĮ. Nuolat klausti ir klausyti savęs ir savo intuicijos.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Sandy Schleich

    I could not finish reading this book it was slow and I thought it was a little bit boring.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Lgordo

    I really struggled to get into this book, and eventually gave up. The structure of each chapter and the writing didn't draw me in. Through the expository part, the frequent anecdotes, and citations, I found it hard to figure out exactly what he was telling me to DO. I also struggled to follow the author's approach to facts. He claims that boys are different than girls and need to be treated differently. But he also says boys behavior is sociologically based and that biological determinism is pse I really struggled to get into this book, and eventually gave up. The structure of each chapter and the writing didn't draw me in. Through the expository part, the frequent anecdotes, and citations, I found it hard to figure out exactly what he was telling me to DO. I also struggled to follow the author's approach to facts. He claims that boys are different than girls and need to be treated differently. But he also says boys behavior is sociologically based and that biological determinism is pseudoscience. He also cites copious social science studies that are entirely correlative as if they are fact. That said, my skim suggests he's not saying much that most other 'boy books' don't. He says to keep the lines of communication open, that boys need mentors, and that they need friendships with other boys. His new spin is to say that boys really want to be emotionally open and vulnerable, including with their parents. I can believe that. I just wish he took less time to say it.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Clint Murphy

    ⠀ How to Raise a Boy ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ I'm doing a lot of reading on #menswork , on being a man. ⠀ ⠀ It's beneficial to me, even at 40+, but it's not necessarily for me. ⠀ ⠀ I have two sons. Two boys. Two future men. I need them to be better than me. The world needs them to be better than me. ⠀ ⠀ That is the point of every generation, of evolution. To evolve. To improve. To leave those after you better than you, better than those before you. ⠀ ⠀ The main takeaway I took from this book was in the sub-title "The Power of ⠀ How to Raise a Boy ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ I'm doing a lot of reading on #menswork , on being a man. ⠀ ⠀ It's beneficial to me, even at 40+, but it's not necessarily for me. ⠀ ⠀ I have two sons. Two boys. Two future men. I need them to be better than me. The world needs them to be better than me. ⠀ ⠀ That is the point of every generation, of evolution. To evolve. To improve. To leave those after you better than you, better than those before you. ⠀ ⠀ The main takeaway I took from this book was in the sub-title "The Power of Connection to Build Good Men". ⠀ ⠀ Our boys need connection. ⠀ ⠀ They need parents who are their for them, regardless of their issues. ⠀ ⠀ To actively listen without judgement. ⠀ ⠀ To allow them to express their emotions without a "man up" or "suck it up". ⠀ ⠀ When you get right down to it, the book isn't calling for a lot. It's calling for you to be there for your child, mentally, physically, emotionally. ⠀ ⠀ To put down the phone, to walk away from your "work". To prioritize them. To prioritize their emotions, their development. ⠀ ⠀ It's a lot to unpack. I need to review my notes, to type up a playlist. ⠀ ⠀ I do realize #COVID isn't all bad. I'm quarantined with these two great young men. I get to spend quality time with them. To talk, to listen. ⠀ ⠀ We workout. We talk superficially. We talk deeply. We connect. We bond. They grow. They fee safe. They feel protected. They feel I have their back. ⠀ ⠀ Thanks #COVID for something. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀

  12. 5 out of 5

    Sandra

    Net “spirgėjau”, kaip norėjau perskaityt Dr. Michael C. Reichert knygą “Kaip užaugint sūnų”. Namuose ropoja beveik devynių mėnesių bernužėlis, kuris kažkada (dar labai negreit 🤞🏻) užaugs ir taps vyru. Aš žinau, kokiu vyru noriu užauginti savo sūnų, o šioje knygoje tikėjausi rasti daaaug naudingos informacijos, įdomių faktų ir pamokymų, bet.. Nu nepaliko ji man didelio įspūdžio 🤷🏼‍♀‍ Knygoje pateikta labai daug informacijos apie atliktus tyrimus. Ta prasme, LABAI DAUG. Beveik kiekvienam puslapy ga Net “spirgėjau”, kaip norėjau perskaityt Dr. Michael C. Reichert knygą “Kaip užaugint sūnų”. Namuose ropoja beveik devynių mėnesių bernužėlis, kuris kažkada (dar labai negreit 🤞🏻) užaugs ir taps vyru. Aš žinau, kokiu vyru noriu užauginti savo sūnų, o šioje knygoje tikėjausi rasti daaaug naudingos informacijos, įdomių faktų ir pamokymų, bet.. Nu nepaliko ji man didelio įspūdžio 🤷🏼‍♀‍ Knygoje pateikta labai daug informacijos apie atliktus tyrimus. Ta prasme, LABAI DAUG. Beveik kiekvienam puslapy gali rasti aprašytą/paminėtą bent vieną tyrimą (kurių artimiausias šiai dienai buvo 2017 metų). Daugiausiai jų buvo atlikti Amerikoje, todėl, mano galva, vietomis dėl kultūrinių skirtumų jie ne tokie aktualūs lietuviams. Iš pradžių skaitėsi gana normaliai, bet ilgainiui ėmė erzinti ir darytis nuobodu. Žinoma, nėra tokios knygos, iš kurios nepasiimtum bent vieno sakinio, kuris imponuoja tau. Taip ir šioje knygoje radau informacijos, kuri saugiai nugulė mano smegenyse ir sukruta tam tikrose gyvenimiškose situacijose 👏🏻 Taip pat, patiko autoriaus pateikti pavyzdžiai iš realaus gyvenimo. Situacijos, kai dirbdamas jis susidūrė su sutrikusiais, problemų turinčiais berniukais, kaip elgėsi, kad jiems padėtų.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Arne

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. A gift from Murray Hofmeyr and one that I'm very thankful for. It's still a little early for me on this one, my boy is only 4 months old but the lessons are profound and applicable in many spheres. The premise makes a lot of sense, connection is the way to go about raising a boy and to achieve that, you as the adult need to be the one holding the olive branch. Be passionate and knowledgeable about something and listen without judging or giving advice, easy to say. I also learnt an interesting wo A gift from Murray Hofmeyr and one that I'm very thankful for. It's still a little early for me on this one, my boy is only 4 months old but the lessons are profound and applicable in many spheres. The premise makes a lot of sense, connection is the way to go about raising a boy and to achieve that, you as the adult need to be the one holding the olive branch. Be passionate and knowledgeable about something and listen without judging or giving advice, easy to say. I also learnt an interesting word; Alexithemia, the condition of not having words to describe what you're feeling. Now I know :) Also the quote: any man that hates Women, hates himself more. Power. The anecdotal experiences are a bit much and I would have preferred a slightly more Quant approach but the message is clear and it doesn't take away from the bigger arc. I'll have to go back and read the comments on Jordan Peterson again, Reichert was pretty dismissive of his stance but I didn't entirely get why. Would definitely recommended.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Colin

    The author defines the challenges boys face starkly, statistically, anecdotally- reducing much theory to comprehensible maxims. I can certainly do better with my own boys without ever weakening or "softening" them. It's bothersome how unscientific our stereotypes about boys and men are and what individuals and leaders will do to hold on and sustain these stereotypes. And yet the current cultural cues spend so much time tearing masculinity down wholesale. It seems at every turn the message is tha The author defines the challenges boys face starkly, statistically, anecdotally- reducing much theory to comprehensible maxims. I can certainly do better with my own boys without ever weakening or "softening" them. It's bothersome how unscientific our stereotypes about boys and men are and what individuals and leaders will do to hold on and sustain these stereotypes. And yet the current cultural cues spend so much time tearing masculinity down wholesale. It seems at every turn the message is that our boys are the problem. They are not "the" problem and they are not "expendable". They need to be heard.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Chandler Jameson

    There were certainly some pieces of useful information and thought provoking sentiments, particularly early on in the book. However, a failing I think the book has, is that the author seems to think that nearly every difference between boys and girls was due to socialization. Culture and society are certainly a key part I. Shaping us as individuals, but is it truly the only thing? The author hardly brings up any other factors, almost to a ridiculous degree. The portion wherein the author implied There were certainly some pieces of useful information and thought provoking sentiments, particularly early on in the book. However, a failing I think the book has, is that the author seems to think that nearly every difference between boys and girls was due to socialization. Culture and society are certainly a key part I. Shaping us as individuals, but is it truly the only thing? The author hardly brings up any other factors, almost to a ridiculous degree. The portion wherein the author implied that boys only react to porn based upon how their friends react to porn was laughable

  16. 4 out of 5

    Becky Lai

    As a mom of two boys, the first three chapters were five-star riveting for me. Like the best non fiction books, it led me to actually change a few of the things I was doing/saying as a parent. And I thought I was already trying my best to avoid gender normative assumptions about my boys! The rest of the book was an academic slog, with some interesting facts, studies, and anecdotes here and there.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Jolanta Tumasaitė

    Gili knyga. Tinka ne tik auginantiems sūnus, bet yra ir bendražmoniškų įžvalgų, apie kurias nežinojau, arba žinojau apgraibom, pvz., tokia jausmų suvokimo taisyklė anglų k. RULER (Recognize, Understand, Label, Express, Regulate) (Atpažinti, suprasti, įvardinti, išreikšti, valdyti). Tiesa, knyga nesiskaito lengvai, yra didelis pagalbinės literatūros sąrašas. P.s. Gero skaitymo!

  18. 5 out of 5

    Monika

    I foresee reading this book over and over as my son grows up: What converts a naturally empathic boy to a hard, emotionally distant, and selfish individual is denying him the connections he needs to stay human and accountable. Holding boys in relationships where they are known and loved is the best way to build good men.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Jennifer Yanos

    This was a great book with a lot of “ah ha” moments in it. I found it useful as a mom of boys and also as an educator. Great ideas and great explanation. At times it was a bit slow moving, but I’m glad I pushed through.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Dan Doebler

    Science based with practical advice and individual stories, I found myself and my son throughout these pages...both with things I’ve done well, and things to improve on. I’m grateful for the advice and the hope that this book gives for our boys in a world filled with detrimental influences.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Michelle

    A must-read: excellent for teachers, coaches, parents and grandparents. Basically, listen actively and speak honestly to your kid, allow him to express emotion and reflect in yourself and your lifestyle choices a careful, kind, compassionate and loving environment.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Cappy

    This book wasn't exactly the practical handbook I was hoping for, but some of the fault there owes to my outsized expectations. More than insight into how to parent my son, this book helped me understand my own boyhood. Not what I most wanted, but something of value all the same. This book wasn't exactly the practical handbook I was hoping for, but some of the fault there owes to my outsized expectations. More than insight into how to parent my son, this book helped me understand my own boyhood. Not what I most wanted, but something of value all the same.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Sam

    A lot of research referenced, but the bulk of the book is anecdotes from the author's work in counseling. The key take-away is in the title - the importance of relationships for boys as they grow in balancing the culture of masculinity and raising a well-rounded young man. A lot of research referenced, but the bulk of the book is anecdotes from the author's work in counseling. The key take-away is in the title - the importance of relationships for boys as they grow in balancing the culture of masculinity and raising a well-rounded young man.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Amy

    A great read for anyone including parents, educators, and coaches. Very well done!

  25. 5 out of 5

    Margy Eastmond

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. meant for people who probably won't read it. meant for people who probably won't read it.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Justina Daunoravičiūtė

    Maybe for teachers

  27. 4 out of 5

    Rosa Valenzuela

    If you have a boy, this is a MUST read. It helps you understand how to connect and help our boys thrive in life and with their emotions.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Mike

    Essential reading for educators and parents, highly recommended for everyone else.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Kristen Campbell

    Raising a boy conscious of and accepting of all his emotions is what this book tries to accomplish. It is a good book to skim through.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Seth Jenson

    Excellent resource for parents of boys.

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