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Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

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In the wise and soulful tradition of teachers like Shauna Niequist and Brene Brown, therapist Aundi Kolber debuts with Try Softer, helping us align our mind, body, and soul to live the life God created for us. In a world that preaches a “try harder” gospel—just keep going, keep hustling, keep pretending we’re all fine—we’re left exhausted, overwhelmed, and so numb to our li In the wise and soulful tradition of teachers like Shauna Niequist and Brene Brown, therapist Aundi Kolber debuts with Try Softer, helping us align our mind, body, and soul to live the life God created for us. In a world that preaches a “try harder” gospel—just keep going, keep hustling, keep pretending we’re all fine—we’re left exhausted, overwhelmed, and so numb to our lives. If we’re honest, we’ve been overfunctioning for so long, we can’t even imagine another way. How else will things get done? How else will we survive? It doesn’t have to be this way. Aundi Kolber believes that we don’t have to white-knuckle our way through life. In her debut book, Try Softer, she’ll show us how God specifically designed our bodies and minds to work together to process our stories and work through obstacles. Through the latest psychology, practical clinical exercises, and her own personal story, Aundi equips and empowers us to connect us to our truest self and truly live. This is the “try softer” life. In Try Softer, you’ll learn how to: Know and set emotional and relational boundaries Make sense of the difficult experiences you’ve had Identify your attachment style—and how that affects your relationships today Move through emotions rather than get stuck by them Grow in self-compassion and talk back to your inner critic Trying softer is sacred work. And while it won’t be perfect or easy, it will be worth it. Because this is what we were made for: a living, breathing, moving, feeling, connected, beautifully incarnational life.


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In the wise and soulful tradition of teachers like Shauna Niequist and Brene Brown, therapist Aundi Kolber debuts with Try Softer, helping us align our mind, body, and soul to live the life God created for us. In a world that preaches a “try harder” gospel—just keep going, keep hustling, keep pretending we’re all fine—we’re left exhausted, overwhelmed, and so numb to our li In the wise and soulful tradition of teachers like Shauna Niequist and Brene Brown, therapist Aundi Kolber debuts with Try Softer, helping us align our mind, body, and soul to live the life God created for us. In a world that preaches a “try harder” gospel—just keep going, keep hustling, keep pretending we’re all fine—we’re left exhausted, overwhelmed, and so numb to our lives. If we’re honest, we’ve been overfunctioning for so long, we can’t even imagine another way. How else will things get done? How else will we survive? It doesn’t have to be this way. Aundi Kolber believes that we don’t have to white-knuckle our way through life. In her debut book, Try Softer, she’ll show us how God specifically designed our bodies and minds to work together to process our stories and work through obstacles. Through the latest psychology, practical clinical exercises, and her own personal story, Aundi equips and empowers us to connect us to our truest self and truly live. This is the “try softer” life. In Try Softer, you’ll learn how to: Know and set emotional and relational boundaries Make sense of the difficult experiences you’ve had Identify your attachment style—and how that affects your relationships today Move through emotions rather than get stuck by them Grow in self-compassion and talk back to your inner critic Trying softer is sacred work. And while it won’t be perfect or easy, it will be worth it. Because this is what we were made for: a living, breathing, moving, feeling, connected, beautifully incarnational life.

30 review for Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy

  1. 5 out of 5

    Megan Byrd

    This book feels like an in-depth therapy session from a knowledgeable counselor. The first part is informational, talking about parts of your brain and how they process trauma, overwhelming or uncomfortable situations, and triggers. It talks about our Window of Tolerance and the importance and benefit of boundaries. The second part contains exercises to help us connect with our bodies, brains, and emotions. They can help keep us in tune with ourselves and find growth and healing in our lives. I This book feels like an in-depth therapy session from a knowledgeable counselor. The first part is informational, talking about parts of your brain and how they process trauma, overwhelming or uncomfortable situations, and triggers. It talks about our Window of Tolerance and the importance and benefit of boundaries. The second part contains exercises to help us connect with our bodies, brains, and emotions. They can help keep us in tune with ourselves and find growth and healing in our lives. I appreciated the wisdom and the vulnerability Aundi shares through her book. While I don’t personally have much trauma to deal with, I still found some helpful information and exercises in the book.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Arwin

    Rarely have I ever felt the tangible care and compassion of the author for the reader emanate through the pages as I experienced with Try Softer. That's the lasting impression that stayed with me even as I finished the final pages. I didn't know that I needed this book until I heard Aundi speak on a podcast. A lot of what she said about white knuckling through life, and coming from a broken home resonated deeply with my own experiences. I'd recommend this book to anyone who has experienced traum Rarely have I ever felt the tangible care and compassion of the author for the reader emanate through the pages as I experienced with Try Softer. That's the lasting impression that stayed with me even as I finished the final pages. I didn't know that I needed this book until I heard Aundi speak on a podcast. A lot of what she said about white knuckling through life, and coming from a broken home resonated deeply with my own experiences. I'd recommend this book to anyone who has experienced trauma or even for those who feel disconnected from their lived in experience (i.e. you feel like most days you're goal is just to make it through the week in one piece). Aundi herself is a licensed professional counselor who specializes in trauma and body-centered therapies. The "Try Softer" approach shows a way to move forward by paying compassionate attention to yourself , while still honoring the scars that have made you the person that you are today. The first half of the book explores how and why we approach life in the way we do. The second half introduces practices and rhythms to "try softer", these include mindfulness practices, breath prayers, and ways to process through past traumatic experiences. As other's have mentioned in their reviews, this felt like a therapy session in book form. Not that I'd ever felt the need to see a therapist but reading parts of the book felt like I was being listened to, and being handed tools that helped in processing through parts of my life that I'd convinced myself never to revisit. The tone Aundi uses is one of warmth and openness which is a welcome when threading on heavy subjects. Initially, going through the reflections and exercises at the end of each chapter didn't really connect with me, and it felt even kooky to an extent (e.g. envision your body through your mind's eye, identify if there are any sensations when you focus on a particular memory). But I suspect much of that is due to my own logically wired inner voice. Eventually I came to be open to the idea that maybe these reflections can be helpful. And it definitely was once I silenced the inner skeptic. The chapters that were more helpful to me were the ones on attachment theory, finding our window of tolerance, and especially the chapter on our inner critic. It's definitely written from a Christian perspective, but I'd imagine a lot of it would be helpful even to someone who doesn't hold to our beliefs. I for one am grateful to have come across this book. Honestly, this isn't the kind of book I'm normally inclined to pick up, but it just may be the most necessary book that I've read this year (subjective opinion of course).

  3. 4 out of 5

    Allison Pickett

    Try Softer is filled to the brim with practical and gentle ways to learn about yourself, your relationships, and possibly trauma that affects how you relate to the world. Aundi Kolber is a licensed professional counselor who knows the pain of past trauma. Her expertise on the subject let’s us know we can trust her and her studies and research show us the science and psychology behind her approach. I would recommend this book to anyone who is trying to move through the world in a healthier and mo Try Softer is filled to the brim with practical and gentle ways to learn about yourself, your relationships, and possibly trauma that affects how you relate to the world. Aundi Kolber is a licensed professional counselor who knows the pain of past trauma. Her expertise on the subject let’s us know we can trust her and her studies and research show us the science and psychology behind her approach. I would recommend this book to anyone who is trying to move through the world in a healthier and more mindful way, or to anyone who has experienced pain or trauma and is searching for ways to heal.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Jonathan Puddle

    Recently I had a day when I felt deeply unmotivated and tired. I wasn't depressed or anxious, just lacking the drive to do anything much other than watch TV. In the past, I would have been unkind to myself on days like this. I would have pushed hard, knuckled down, ignored whatever my body and soul were trying to tell me, and forced myself to just get things done. That day, however, I decided to be gentle to myself instead and I moved slowly, only working on those things that I felt enough natura Recently I had a day when I felt deeply unmotivated and tired. I wasn't depressed or anxious, just lacking the drive to do anything much other than watch TV. In the past, I would have been unkind to myself on days like this. I would have pushed hard, knuckled down, ignored whatever my body and soul were trying to tell me, and forced myself to just get things done. That day, however, I decided to be gentle to myself instead and I moved slowly, only working on those things that I felt enough natural push to get behind. By the end of the day I had tidied the house, watched some TV, prepared food for myself and the family, worked on a few odds and ends, and put away the Christmas decorations... which probably sounds like a full enough day anyway. But I did it slowly and gently, at a pace that felt kind to myself. The next day, I felt full of motivation and drive once again. In the past, I might have analyzed this situation and said, "See? You just needed to push yourself and now you're fine." But the fact that I refused to push myself and still felt "normal" the next day betrayed that as a falsehood. Not only did I feel more "normal" the next day but I also felt grateful to myself rather than resentful. When I speak of being gentle, I'm not talking about being lazy or slovenly, eating garbage and watching junk. I'm talking about listening to your body, soul and spirit, and treating yourself with enough love to give yourself what it is you need. If your body, soul or spirit are pushing back against you, you may need to check into those things. Are you a wise and kind ruler of yourself, or are you a tyrant? The process of how to get to know yourself, how to slow down, listen to body, soul and spirit and attune to the needs, fears, desires and traumas within, and start to move towards healing... is what Aundi Kolber's Try Softer is all about. It has literally changed my life and I am indebted to her. If you are a human being, you should consider getting this book and reading it for all its worth. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Gail

    For me, this was the perfect book at the perfect time. Such practical, loving advice backed up by science and enriched by scripture. I’m almost glad the library is closed, so I have lots of time to re-read, savor, and copy my favorite passages into my journal. If you struggle with self-criticism, dealing with difficult emotions, and self-compassion and want both a spiritual and scientific lens, this may also be the perfect book for you.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    Incredibly powerful text about faith and white knuckling it. This work spoke to me deeply. Highly recommend.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Krista

    “Once we are out of survival mode, our bodies, minds, and spirits can finally bear to consider our stories and the reason we are so emotionally dysregulated.” — Try Softer I just finished this book, and man, what a way to end 2019. They feel more than just informational for me — they feel relevant and personal as I’ve spent a larger portion of 2019 in therapy for extreme trauma. Aundi’s words are a good reminder that even though the last year of therapy has been really hard, the reason it’s been “Once we are out of survival mode, our bodies, minds, and spirits can finally bear to consider our stories and the reason we are so emotionally dysregulated.” — Try Softer I just finished this book, and man, what a way to end 2019. They feel more than just informational for me — they feel relevant and personal as I’ve spent a larger portion of 2019 in therapy for extreme trauma. Aundi’s words are a good reminder that even though the last year of therapy has been really hard, the reason it’s been hard is because I’m no longer in survival mode and I can figure out what is happening. Learning to listen to my body and engage my pre-frontal cortex and make sure my whole brain is working. Sometimes this feels like a curse, because it requires that I think everything through, but it means that I am engaging my brain in a whole new way and reparenting myself. Not only has Try Softer helped me see the value in my journey this far, it is helping me reframe some of my current frustrations about healing. I am able to thing about how I am reacting. My prefrontal cortex is paying attention! This is a new groove on the grass as I like to say. My story is being honored in Aundi’s words. I needed this book ten years ago but I wasn’t ready for it. I’m so thankful it exists now, and I hope and pray it will be for so many others what it is for me: helpful, loving, and validating.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Anne Rulo

    This book is a breath of fresh air in the world of pairing mindful practices, therapeutic reflection and Christian perspective. Aundi's approach is thoughtful, patient, gracious and also backed with a number of scientific realities of brain development and mind-body connection. This is not a book to be taken in one sip. As the title reads, you should read it "softer", taking the time to let your mind and your soul absorb what you need at the time. Don't push too fast. While Aundi's expertise is i This book is a breath of fresh air in the world of pairing mindful practices, therapeutic reflection and Christian perspective. Aundi's approach is thoughtful, patient, gracious and also backed with a number of scientific realities of brain development and mind-body connection. This is not a book to be taken in one sip. As the title reads, you should read it "softer", taking the time to let your mind and your soul absorb what you need at the time. Don't push too fast. While Aundi's expertise is in trauma informed perspectives, everyone will find valuable information for how to lessen their personal hustle and allow grace to lead the way. This is a good book for the general public of course, but, this is a GREAT book for therapists, particularly those who are seeking language to help them intersect mindfulness, trauma-informed approaches, and faith.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Nicole

    I started following Aundi's a few years ago during a incredibly difficult season of my life. There were so many days that felt so heavy and I felt so discouraged, and Aundi's posts were always perfectly timed and full of wisdom. Her book is no different. Once again, it is perfectly timed in my life to be full of the reminders I need for the journey I'm on. I'm naturally really hard on myself, and to have Aundi's voice present in my life as I learn what it means to be kind to myself, to cultivate I started following Aundi's a few years ago during a incredibly difficult season of my life. There were so many days that felt so heavy and I felt so discouraged, and Aundi's posts were always perfectly timed and full of wisdom. Her book is no different. Once again, it is perfectly timed in my life to be full of the reminders I need for the journey I'm on. I'm naturally really hard on myself, and to have Aundi's voice present in my life as I learn what it means to be kind to myself, to cultivate self-compassion, is a gift you can't put a price on. Aundi's perspective of "Try Softer" and learning how to be with ourselves in a new way is transformational. After living year after year of being exhausted, of shaming myself for not trying hard enough, for not being able to "fix" myself, this book provides medicine for my soul as I un-learn the old and re-learn what is healthy for myself.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Melissa

    if I had to choose one book to recommend to anyone wanting to heal and grow into a truer version of themselves, it would be Try Softer. I’ve felt such relief reading the book. It’s ok to be gentle and compassionate with myself. “ Trying softer is the path that leads to true connection and joy. It begins when we mindfully listen to what’s on the inside of us and let that influence how we look and act on the outside. It’s an intentional shift toward paying compassionate attention to our own experi if I had to choose one book to recommend to anyone wanting to heal and grow into a truer version of themselves, it would be Try Softer. I’ve felt such relief reading the book. It’s ok to be gentle and compassionate with myself. “ Trying softer is the path that leads to true connection and joy. It begins when we mindfully listen to what’s on the inside of us and let that influence how we look and act on the outside. It’s an intentional shift toward paying compassionate attention to our own experiences and needs. Learning to try softer is not a onetime event but a way we learn to be with ourselves.”

  11. 5 out of 5

    Gina Brenna

    This is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. Aundi writes in such an authentic way as someone who has personally found her way to the gentleness she invites us to. She’s like a wilderness guide, speaking from experience but also with the authority she carries as a therapist. She offers so many helpful practices for growing in mindfulness and compassion toward ourselves. I have already found them incredibly beneficial as I walk through a stressful season. I don’t know anyone who wouldn This is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. Aundi writes in such an authentic way as someone who has personally found her way to the gentleness she invites us to. She’s like a wilderness guide, speaking from experience but also with the authority she carries as a therapist. She offers so many helpful practices for growing in mindfulness and compassion toward ourselves. I have already found them incredibly beneficial as I walk through a stressful season. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be blessed by this book.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Casey Bottono

    If you’ve ever struggled in the act of being yourself - and who hasn't? Try Softer is essential reading. Aundi Kolber’s insights as a person of faith and a mental health professional emerge from intense study of self-compassion and years of personal experience. The exercises contained within the book provide useful jumping off points for exploration of our attitudes towards ourselves and our relationships with others. As Aundi Kolber writes – trying softer is not a one-time event, it is a lifeti If you’ve ever struggled in the act of being yourself - and who hasn't? Try Softer is essential reading. Aundi Kolber’s insights as a person of faith and a mental health professional emerge from intense study of self-compassion and years of personal experience. The exercises contained within the book provide useful jumping off points for exploration of our attitudes towards ourselves and our relationships with others. As Aundi Kolber writes – trying softer is not a one-time event, it is a lifetime process. Luckily, we now have a guidebook.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Melissa

    This book is excellent! Aundi has created a beautiful work that will be a tool for healing for so many. She has woven together an honest dialogue about how our bodies hold on to trauma and how through work and Jesus we can find wholeness and healing.

  14. 4 out of 5

    John

    Disclaimer: I listened to this book on audio while exercising. Much of the experiential portion of the book I was unable to do because I was in the middle of a bench press or sweating on an elliptical. Please pour grains of salt on these words. Twitter was aflutter with all sorts of people reading, loving, and being transformed by Aundi Kolber's TRY SOFTER. Though I decided to only read more academic religious works in 2020 I have no hesitance in listening to their audio. I also had a special at Disclaimer: I listened to this book on audio while exercising. Much of the experiential portion of the book I was unable to do because I was in the middle of a bench press or sweating on an elliptical. Please pour grains of salt on these words. Twitter was aflutter with all sorts of people reading, loving, and being transformed by Aundi Kolber's TRY SOFTER. Though I decided to only read more academic religious works in 2020 I have no hesitance in listening to their audio. I also had a special attachment to this particular title because I am continuing to do my Ph.D. work in Clinical Mental Health. Though I wouldn't consider this book an academic work because it is successfully accessible, It is filled with psychological language and several explanatory areas. Kolber has done an invaluable job of bridging the academic with the spiritual, a huge feat when most self-help and psychological works are either from complete academic theory or pseudo-scientific spiritual "gurus". Admittedly the beginning was heavy and filled with a lot of academic banter which makes the overall structure slightly top-heavy. But Kolber's chapter on connecting the body and the mind and realizing we are our somatic experience is stunning and thoughtful especially within a Christian world that still lightly leans on Gnostic dualism (Thanks Plato). Second, The Vagus Response was a new concept to me and I found it helpful and transformative. This book will be added to my collection at some point. Definitely pages to read over and over. Read it unless you're perfect. I should add that in some areas of life I think white-knuckling can be helpful- and I think Kolber does too, but that Trying Softer, the mode of acceptance and living a thorough experience is essential on the transformative path to healing.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Alyssa

    I really liked this book. I also think the middle of the coronavirus pandemic was a great time to read it! I actually liked the first half of the book (the science and neurobiology stuff) better than the second half (the practical stuff). Although I think everyone can benefit from this book, I don’t know that I’m exactly the target audience. My childhood was quite positive and had very little “little t trauma” or wounds to heal from. The main trauma I’ve experienced in my life has happened in th I really liked this book. I also think the middle of the coronavirus pandemic was a great time to read it! I actually liked the first half of the book (the science and neurobiology stuff) better than the second half (the practical stuff). Although I think everyone can benefit from this book, I don’t know that I’m exactly the target audience. My childhood was quite positive and had very little “little t trauma” or wounds to heal from. The main trauma I’ve experienced in my life has happened in the last two years of our foster care journey and I’m still right in the middle of it, which makes it difficult to attempt to heal. Maybe in several years I can pick this up again. I did however make several notes and I plan on incorporating grounding and body awareness into my stress recovery process.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Andrea Humphries

    In Try Softer, Aundi Kolber comes alongside her reader, like a kind and gentle friend, saying, "Hey, this white-knuckling through life thing that we've all been doing? It isn't working. I know, because I've been doing it, too." Then she proceeds to not only explain why it's not working - we're fighting against our physiology - but also how to recognize when we're white-knuckling without realizing it. Finally, she shows us a better way - a way to work with our minds, hearts, and bodies as they've In Try Softer, Aundi Kolber comes alongside her reader, like a kind and gentle friend, saying, "Hey, this white-knuckling through life thing that we've all been doing? It isn't working. I know, because I've been doing it, too." Then she proceeds to not only explain why it's not working - we're fighting against our physiology - but also how to recognize when we're white-knuckling without realizing it. Finally, she shows us a better way - a way to work with our minds, hearts, and bodies as they've been created, a way to move towards greater health and wholeness. And she does all of this while acknowledging that it's hard, non-linear, and (sometimes) painful work. This is an insightful, helpful, and above all hugely practical book. I'm so thankful for it and for Aundi.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Tamara

    Try Softer was a book I had seen before but I didn't really know what it was about, but the title appealed to me. Right now, I am dealing with a lot of anxiety! It was a reminder to deal with it, but not the way I would like to - which is to ignore it. There were some ideas that I am already incorporating into my everyday life, and there were terms explained in the first part of the book that I found helpful. I was already doing some but it encouraged me to continue what I was doing. Trying Soft Try Softer was a book I had seen before but I didn't really know what it was about, but the title appealed to me. Right now, I am dealing with a lot of anxiety! It was a reminder to deal with it, but not the way I would like to - which is to ignore it. There were some ideas that I am already incorporating into my everyday life, and there were terms explained in the first part of the book that I found helpful. I was already doing some but it encouraged me to continue what I was doing. Trying Softer is like a friend trying to help you handle what you couldn't as a child and showing you how to cope as an adult in a sometimes scary world.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Leslie-Anne

    On this last day of 2019, Try Softer has brought more healing to my soul. "I hope you’ll feel encouraged to know that the practice of trying softer is a way to integrate into your whole self what your brain, in part, may already know: You are phenomenally loved by the One who created you, so take heart." Aundi has the ability to connect with the reader in a gentle way weaving together stories of pain and trauma while offering hope and reminding us that we are beloved. You must read this book on your On this last day of 2019, Try Softer has brought more healing to my soul. "I hope you’ll feel encouraged to know that the practice of trying softer is a way to integrate into your whole self what your brain, in part, may already know: You are phenomenally loved by the One who created you, so take heart." Aundi has the ability to connect with the reader in a gentle way weaving together stories of pain and trauma while offering hope and reminding us that we are beloved. You must read this book on your journey to healing and wholeness.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Sarah

    I’m used to reading books that remind me of what I already know is true. This book, however, exposed ways of unhealthy thinking that I’d developed, and actually helped me challenge things that I thought were true. For example, Chapter 6 on “Try Softer with your Attention” literally blew my mind. I truly never knew that when Jesus said “treats others as you treat yourself,” that it doesn’t mean “treat others better than yourself.” It doesn’t mean treat yourself better than others, either. I found I’m used to reading books that remind me of what I already know is true. This book, however, exposed ways of unhealthy thinking that I’d developed, and actually helped me challenge things that I thought were true. For example, Chapter 6 on “Try Softer with your Attention” literally blew my mind. I truly never knew that when Jesus said “treats others as you treat yourself,” that it doesn’t mean “treat others better than yourself.” It doesn’t mean treat yourself better than others, either. I found myself wanting to read it all so quickly, but also not wanting it to be done. I’m so glad I bought this book so I can go back to it. Highly recommend for literally anyone.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Jennifer Malech

    If you have experienced emotional trauma, this is a MUST READ! This is a guidebook that you can use to help re-wire your brain and become healthier in your relationships and in your own walk through the things that you feel that you cannot change. As a therapist, Aundi walks her readers through steps of processes and practices that are easy to use and help re-center you not only in your identity as a child of God, but in the truth that we weren't meant to live in survival mode. Highly highly rec If you have experienced emotional trauma, this is a MUST READ! This is a guidebook that you can use to help re-wire your brain and become healthier in your relationships and in your own walk through the things that you feel that you cannot change. As a therapist, Aundi walks her readers through steps of processes and practices that are easy to use and help re-center you not only in your identity as a child of God, but in the truth that we weren't meant to live in survival mode. Highly highly recommend this book. So thankful for Aundi's voice! Also, count this book as free therapy, ha!

  21. 5 out of 5

    Amy

    This book will now be one of my most cherished books. The amount of compassion, comfort and permission in these pages allowed for me to sit with ideas in new ways and practice them easily. Aundi not only wrote a beautiful book but delivers each word as if you were sitting there with her. I cannot explain how good this book was to me- please don’t hesitate & purchase!

  22. 5 out of 5

    Ann Gemmel

    I rarely offer 5 stars. But Aundi Kolber has offered a tremendous resource in her book. The one hitch I have is the title ‘Try softer” just isn’t clear. Personally I think the longer title is helpful - but I would have chosen “Be Kind to yourself ....”. This book is about showing grace, kindness and gentleness to ourselves. Each chapter is an honest reflection of how Aundi has experienced growth and transformation from her own ongoing wounds from a painful childhood and upbringing. Each chapter I rarely offer 5 stars. But Aundi Kolber has offered a tremendous resource in her book. The one hitch I have is the title ‘Try softer” just isn’t clear. Personally I think the longer title is helpful - but I would have chosen “Be Kind to yourself ....”. This book is about showing grace, kindness and gentleness to ourselves. Each chapter is an honest reflection of how Aundi has experienced growth and transformation from her own ongoing wounds from a painful childhood and upbringing. Each chapter seemed like a very valuable session of wise, insightful and practical counseling. This is one I will be recommending to many. Thank you Aundi. Your book was so very helpful and offered great healing truth.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Eric

    This has some solid psychology in here: attachment theory, discovering your window of tolerance, creating boundaries and listening to you body and emotions. If scripture, etc. isn't so helpful for you (like it's not for me), you can easily skip over it here as it's more tacked on to chapters instead of weaved into the solid advice on how to get away from white-knuckling it. This has some solid psychology in here: attachment theory, discovering your window of tolerance, creating boundaries and listening to you body and emotions. If scripture, etc. isn't so helpful for you (like it's not for me), you can easily skip over it here as it's more tacked on to chapters instead of weaved into the solid advice on how to get away from white-knuckling it.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Jordan H

    This is definitely going to have to be a re-read. I was so interested in everything Kolber taught that I just kept reading and reading. I’ll definitely want to go back and apply the lessons to my life, as well as pick up on things I may have missed. I would recommend it to anyone struggling with work, friends, family, etc.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Eliza

    Read as audiobook. Wow. This book wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. It was so much better! Well worth listening to, although I think I am also going to read a print version, just to wring every last drop of wisdom out of this book. Highly recommend!

  26. 5 out of 5

    Ricki

    This book has been sooo helpful to my healing. I'm learning how to hold space for my own wounds, grief, and trauma. I'm learning to accept myself with compassion. And because of that, I'm beginning to be more compassionate toward others, being able to set aside my own hurt in order to extend the love of Christ. I'm listening to the audiobook free on Hoopla, narrated by the author. I've kind of stalled but I will probably come back to it later. That's not the author's fault; I can almost never fin This book has been sooo helpful to my healing. I'm learning how to hold space for my own wounds, grief, and trauma. I'm learning to accept myself with compassion. And because of that, I'm beginning to be more compassionate toward others, being able to set aside my own hurt in order to extend the love of Christ. I'm listening to the audiobook free on Hoopla, narrated by the author. I've kind of stalled but I will probably come back to it later. That's not the author's fault; I can almost never finish a self-help book even if it's good.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Georgia Scott

    Excellent book about small and big trauma and practical help for handling anxiety and overwhelm as they present themselves in your life. I will read this again!!

  28. 4 out of 5

    sonya ables

    An intelligent and helpful book of insight and wisdom.....so, so good on so many levels.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Brooke Fradd

    Such good stuff!!

  30. 4 out of 5

    Michelle Kuhn

    I went into this thinking this would be a cheesy Christian counseling book, but was really surprised at the depth of the wisdom shared. Every time I read this book, I walked away feeling like I had just been to therapy and found myself thinking in kinder ways towards myself and others. Kolber reminds me of Brene Brown in the way she weaves in psychological research on trauma, neuroscience, attachment, and mindfulness with engaging storytelling and vivid examples of the concepts she covers. The w I went into this thinking this would be a cheesy Christian counseling book, but was really surprised at the depth of the wisdom shared. Every time I read this book, I walked away feeling like I had just been to therapy and found myself thinking in kinder ways towards myself and others. Kolber reminds me of Brene Brown in the way she weaves in psychological research on trauma, neuroscience, attachment, and mindfulness with engaging storytelling and vivid examples of the concepts she covers. The way she integrates faith into the discussion is skillful and mature, citing some of my favorite spiritual teachers like Richard Rohr and Henri Nouwen. She also leads her readers through practical body-based mindfulness exercises and techniques. Highly recommend!

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