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Raising Resilient Children: Fostering Strength, Hope, and Optimism in Your Child

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TOP CHILD PSYCHOLOGISTS OFFER EXPERT INSIGHT AND PRACTICAL ADVICE FOR RAISING STRONG KIDS IN TODAY'S COMPLICATED WORLD "Thoughtful and sound in its approach, practical and clear in its suggestions, direct and supportive in its tone, Raising Resilient Children is the perfect book for parents searching for a caring method to help their children grow into healthy, happy, l TOP CHILD PSYCHOLOGISTS OFFER EXPERT INSIGHT AND PRACTICAL ADVICE FOR RAISING STRONG KIDS IN TODAY'S COMPLICATED WORLD "Thoughtful and sound in its approach, practical and clear in its suggestions, direct and supportive in its tone, Raising Resilient Children is the perfect book for parents searching for a caring method to help their children grow into healthy, happy, loving, and mature adults."--William Pollack, Ph.D., author of Real Boys ." . . the down-to-earth strategies ensure this title will be used as well as read . . . truly valuable material." --Publishers Weekly " . . . a remarkable book that pulls together the research on resilience and makes it readable, understandable, and practical."--Work and Family Life "A very important work. This not-to-be-missed book debunks the paradigm ('Good enough for me: I turned out OK') and replaces it with a new model fostering resilience capable of meeting obstacles head-on."--Library Journal (starred review)


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TOP CHILD PSYCHOLOGISTS OFFER EXPERT INSIGHT AND PRACTICAL ADVICE FOR RAISING STRONG KIDS IN TODAY'S COMPLICATED WORLD "Thoughtful and sound in its approach, practical and clear in its suggestions, direct and supportive in its tone, Raising Resilient Children is the perfect book for parents searching for a caring method to help their children grow into healthy, happy, l TOP CHILD PSYCHOLOGISTS OFFER EXPERT INSIGHT AND PRACTICAL ADVICE FOR RAISING STRONG KIDS IN TODAY'S COMPLICATED WORLD "Thoughtful and sound in its approach, practical and clear in its suggestions, direct and supportive in its tone, Raising Resilient Children is the perfect book for parents searching for a caring method to help their children grow into healthy, happy, loving, and mature adults."--William Pollack, Ph.D., author of Real Boys ." . . the down-to-earth strategies ensure this title will be used as well as read . . . truly valuable material." --Publishers Weekly " . . . a remarkable book that pulls together the research on resilience and makes it readable, understandable, and practical."--Work and Family Life "A very important work. This not-to-be-missed book debunks the paradigm ('Good enough for me: I turned out OK') and replaces it with a new model fostering resilience capable of meeting obstacles head-on."--Library Journal (starred review)

30 review for Raising Resilient Children: Fostering Strength, Hope, and Optimism in Your Child

  1. 5 out of 5

    Tonya

    This book took me forever, but not because I didn't like it. Most of my reading is a quick minute here and there on the kindle app and I don't have this one on kindle. This book details 10 components of teaching resiliency in children. Most of it wasn't new, but it is explained well. It has a particular focus on accepting your children the way they are and nurturing things they are good at to give them confidence.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Sarah Clarke-Smith

    This should be everyone's "go-to" parenting book because its really a philosphy or mindset rather than a how to manual. Who doesn't want to have their children grow-up to handle their challenges with grace, learning and optimism? Even the principles and practices of effective parenting that appear obvious often require continuous thought and reflection so that truly important outcomes can be kept in sight. "Raising Resilient Children" covers the following topics: 1. Being empathic 2. Communicating This should be everyone's "go-to" parenting book because its really a philosphy or mindset rather than a how to manual. Who doesn't want to have their children grow-up to handle their challenges with grace, learning and optimism? Even the principles and practices of effective parenting that appear obvious often require continuous thought and reflection so that truly important outcomes can be kept in sight. "Raising Resilient Children" covers the following topics: 1. Being empathic 2. Communicating effectively and listening actively 3. Changing "negative scripts" 4. Loving our children in ways that help them feel special and appreciated 5. Accepting our children for who they are and helping them to set realistic expectations and goals 6. Helping our children experience success by identifying and reinforcing their "islands of competence" 7. Helping children recognize that mistakes are experiences from which to learn 8. Developing responsibility, compassion and a social conscience by providing children with opportunities to contribute 9. Teaching our children to solve problems and make decisions 10. Discipling in a way that promotes self-discipline and self-worth Children require hope and the courage to follow their goals. These qualities help them develop the inner strength and resilience necessary to succeed despite the adversities that may and often come their way. They require more than just support and care--they require daily affirmation and encouragement, active involvement in their lives. Boundaries, values, and realistic expectations are what we need to provide our children as their parents. Another final theme I appreciated about this book was not to be focused on "deficits." This is a counterproductive orientation. We should pay attention to what is right about our children, to strengthening and building on their assets and abilities rather than on fixing their problems and liabilities. Children should be able to turn to the adults in their lives as supports and resources rather than judges and critics. (Not to say that a little criticism doesn't have its place in learning and growing.) Verdict: A highly recommended book for people with children and also anyone who needs a little more optimism and hope in the way they view life.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Molly

    I have read so many parenting books. I am 3/4's through this one and it has practical advice that I've already applied. For me the main message is that the best way to guide children to change behavior is to change parenting behavior. Without giving up or being too lenient, you can try new strategies to bring about success. The most harrowing part for me is that I could see myself in some of the angry parents used as examples in the book: automatically assigning bad motives to my children's beha I have read so many parenting books. I am 3/4's through this one and it has practical advice that I've already applied. For me the main message is that the best way to guide children to change behavior is to change parenting behavior. Without giving up or being too lenient, you can try new strategies to bring about success. The most harrowing part for me is that I could see myself in some of the angry parents used as examples in the book: automatically assigning bad motives to my children's behavior or replaying scripts from my childhood that just aren't working. (One example: panicking about a nine year old son's temper because he might turn into an antisocial adult....not realizing we have years to work through it all.) This book has been like therapy and it couldn't have crossed my path at a better time. Our family is already benefiting.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Jennifer Hughes

    I recently heard Sam Goldstein speak and was so impressed with his message. He has a lot of wisdom and compassion for kids--especially those who struggle due to special issues like ADHD. I'm always looking for good books on ADHD, and this is a great one that I definitely recommend. If I had learned Goldstein's methods when my kids were young, I think I would have been a better parent. His message on helping children become more resilient is very timely and important to teach the next generation. I recently heard Sam Goldstein speak and was so impressed with his message. He has a lot of wisdom and compassion for kids--especially those who struggle due to special issues like ADHD. I'm always looking for good books on ADHD, and this is a great one that I definitely recommend. If I had learned Goldstein's methods when my kids were young, I think I would have been a better parent. His message on helping children become more resilient is very timely and important to teach the next generation. My only complaint is that since I saw him speak first, I felt like I got all the main points in an hour presentation, which was a more concise than reading a long book. Still, great material worth learning. He also has several other books I plan on checking out.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Crystal

    I've enjoyed the first chapter. I like that it isn't black and white "this is a step by step way to raise YOUR child" but more, these are the general principles that parents with resilient children have in common. Here are some ideas to implement these, but each child is an individual. I think it's dangerous to take any parenting book as the Gospel Truth, but this book definitely has great ideas and calls for parents to be aware of how they communicate, what they really are communicating, and to I've enjoyed the first chapter. I like that it isn't black and white "this is a step by step way to raise YOUR child" but more, these are the general principles that parents with resilient children have in common. Here are some ideas to implement these, but each child is an individual. I think it's dangerous to take any parenting book as the Gospel Truth, but this book definitely has great ideas and calls for parents to be aware of how they communicate, what they really are communicating, and to have empathy for their child. Seriously, how often do children get punished for making a mistake, but as adults we expect people to be understanding with us when we make mistakes.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Jeanette

    I think I agreed with everything that was said in this book. The authors' premise is that we should focus on "strengthening" our children rather than "fixing" them. I especially like what they said about empathy-- both about having it as parents and teaching it to our children. I'd highly recommend this book, and I have a copy if anyone would like to borrow it.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Martha

    This is a book written by my sons doctor and I found it also very informative and helpful. I love the viewpoint that children with difficulties are amazing people who will change the world. We have to help them function in the world while enabling them to be who they were meant to be.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Meg

    Great way to learn how to disipline by teaching them how to do better the next time verses punishing and rewarding children for their behavior.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Catherine Mikkelsen

    This book contains one of the parenting ideas that excited me the most, and I cannot recommend it enough. It's on page 135. "Nurturing Islands of Competence." Seriously, just the phrase is almost enough. Of course! Let your child develop strengths where and however they can. This is a lovely, positive book with extremely reasonable ideas. LD kids have lousy self-esteem. Do yourself a favor and read this book, so you don't accidentally make it worse, because there are ways that you can fight nega This book contains one of the parenting ideas that excited me the most, and I cannot recommend it enough. It's on page 135. "Nurturing Islands of Competence." Seriously, just the phrase is almost enough. Of course! Let your child develop strengths where and however they can. This is a lovely, positive book with extremely reasonable ideas. LD kids have lousy self-esteem. Do yourself a favor and read this book, so you don't accidentally make it worse, because there are ways that you can fight negative influences in how you raise your kid.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Tai

    This book was both enjoyable and helpful. Culled from years of clinical experience, the authors give both principles and examples for helping parents navigate the inevitable conflicts and clashes that come from trying to raise healthy, kind, respectful, resilient children. It seemed to me that many of the principles were in line with much of Charlotte Mason's teachings about the need to understand and honor the unique individual child while still nurturing and training. Among the most helpful as This book was both enjoyable and helpful. Culled from years of clinical experience, the authors give both principles and examples for helping parents navigate the inevitable conflicts and clashes that come from trying to raise healthy, kind, respectful, resilient children. It seemed to me that many of the principles were in line with much of Charlotte Mason's teachings about the need to understand and honor the unique individual child while still nurturing and training. Among the most helpful aspects is an appendix with an outline of the key points and principles for later reference!

  11. 5 out of 5

    Sarah Ryburn

    Not as engaging as I'd hoped. Probably a great reference for the counseling shelves and a good recommendation for parents.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Emily Patrick

    I really enjoyed reading this book and appreciated all the examples given for different situations.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Meghan Pinson

    Thoughtful, thorough, and intelligently structured. Denser than its brethren (Raising Cain, The Wonder of Boys, etc.), but worth moving through; the therapeutic exercises deepen and drive home points presented in those other books. I skimmed a lot of the anecdotes. The chapter outlines in the appendix are a useful, courteous reference.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Anna

    This is one of the more thought-provoking parenting books that I have read. Rather than being a 'how to' book of steps to follow in certain situations, it is more of a philosophy to draw upon in all facets of your day-to-day parenting. I really like its positive approach. I think it is well summed up in the last chapter when it says: "For too long we have been influenced by a culturally driven, deficit-thinking model. Consequently, as our children have experienced increasing problems, our efforts This is one of the more thought-provoking parenting books that I have read. Rather than being a 'how to' book of steps to follow in certain situations, it is more of a philosophy to draw upon in all facets of your day-to-day parenting. I really like its positive approach. I think it is well summed up in the last chapter when it says: "For too long we have been influenced by a culturally driven, deficit-thinking model. Consequently, as our children have experienced increasing problems, our efforts have been directed toward how to 'fix' these problems. This orientation has proved counterproductive. It is time to give heed to what is right about our children, to strengthening and building on their assets and abilities rather than on fixing their problems and liabilities. It is time that our children begin to turn to the adults in their lives as supports and resources rather than shun them as judges and critics." The book is broken into ten 'guideposts'. Those that made the biggest impression on me were the importance of teaching and conveying empathy, accepting your children for who they are, nurturing 'islands of competence' (ie: your child's strengths) so that they experience success, and using mistakes as teachable moments. The use of case studies throughout stops it all getting too dry and makes it easier to see how you might apply the ideas at home. Since I am considering teaching as a future career option, I also appreciated the chapter about how teachers can help their students develop resilience. The only negatives were: - it was a very long read, and it took me ages to get through it. The Appendix summarising the chapter and section headings is useful for quickly reminding yourself about each idea without having to re-read the whole tome. - it did get a bit repetitive, but I liked how the various strands came together as you made your way through the book. - it doesn't offer a 'quick-fix', but more an approach to follow for longer term (life-long) benefits (although I could certainly see how it would help in the short-term too). This isn't really a negative, just something to be aware of if you are after some quick solutions!

  15. 5 out of 5

    Sara

    Good book. I read this with a group of friends with various aged kids, and everyone got something out of it. The authors aren't legalistic or snarky (like many authors of parenting books are, unfortunately). Their ideas for cultivating resilience in children are insightful - common sense, but not necessarily obvious. They consistently encourage readers to consider their own experience (i.e. "How did YOU feel when your own parents said/did this to you? Was it helpful?") In this way, someone could Good book. I read this with a group of friends with various aged kids, and everyone got something out of it. The authors aren't legalistic or snarky (like many authors of parenting books are, unfortunately). Their ideas for cultivating resilience in children are insightful - common sense, but not necessarily obvious. They consistently encourage readers to consider their own experience (i.e. "How did YOU feel when your own parents said/did this to you? Was it helpful?") In this way, someone could glean a lot from the material even pre-parenthood. One woman in our group is waiting to adopt a child from foster care and found the book very helpful in her own preparations for raising a child she hasn't met yet.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Susan Bazzett-Griffith

    1.5 stars. I was looking forward to this book, as most research in recent years has pointed to resilience and grit as two of the main components of successful adults in our world, but I was disappointed that the chapters all seemed more like a regurgitated version of Love and Logic. Most of the advice offered was common sense, and there wasn't a lot about how that advice (communicate well with your child, accept them for who they are-- yep, that's the gist of it) would transform into the quality 1.5 stars. I was looking forward to this book, as most research in recent years has pointed to resilience and grit as two of the main components of successful adults in our world, but I was disappointed that the chapters all seemed more like a regurgitated version of Love and Logic. Most of the advice offered was common sense, and there wasn't a lot about how that advice (communicate well with your child, accept them for who they are-- yep, that's the gist of it) would transform into the quality of resilience at all. Overall, not worth the time it took to read it and I found myself skimming the second half of most chapters. Thumbs down to this one.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Cate

    Studies show that a child needs to have at least one important grownup in his or her life, who give them unconditional love, support, and encouragement. In fact, according to Dr. Brooks, that grownup is often not even a parent, but actually a teacher, or other mentor. Dr. Brooks’ book helps the parents identify the negative scripts that unintentionally creep into the way they talk to their children, and they can change that around behavior. The goal is to help parents give their children the too Studies show that a child needs to have at least one important grownup in his or her life, who give them unconditional love, support, and encouragement. In fact, according to Dr. Brooks, that grownup is often not even a parent, but actually a teacher, or other mentor. Dr. Brooks’ book helps the parents identify the negative scripts that unintentionally creep into the way they talk to their children, and they can change that around behavior. The goal is to help parents give their children the tools and the ability they need to thrive as emotionally stable and ultimately, happy adults.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Sau53

    In this practical handbook for parents, clinical psychologists Brooks and Goldstein draw on their considerable experience working with children and families to demonstrate that parents' core goal should be to instill in their children a sense of inner recourse. An abundance of real-life examples encountered in the authors' own practices further helps to unite principle and theory with action, and while the subject-specific chapters encourage browsing, the down-to-earth strategies ensure that thi In this practical handbook for parents, clinical psychologists Brooks and Goldstein draw on their considerable experience working with children and families to demonstrate that parents' core goal should be to instill in their children a sense of inner recourse. An abundance of real-life examples encountered in the authors' own practices further helps to unite principle and theory with action, and while the subject-specific chapters encourage browsing, the down-to-earth strategies ensure that this title will be used as well as read.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Beth

    One of the best parenting books I've read. Not always the easiest read but the substance is excellent. The authors are two child psychologists and the central theme is exactly what the title states: how to foster strength and optimism in children. Most parenting books I read go back to the library and I'm not likely to read them again. This one I could see rereading many times at different stages of parenting and getting a lot out of it each time. A definite keeper.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Rabbomar

    I heard Dr. Robert Brooks at the LDA International Conference at Jacksonville, Florida in 2011. He was full of stories from his clinical experience about children with behavior problems. Most of the adults in these children's lives had given up on them. They were sent to Dr. Brooks as a last resort. Dr. Brooks and co-author Dr. Goldstein offer effective strategies for working with children and preparing them for responsible adulthood in our ever changing world.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Grace Stockton

    This is the third time I've read this book - I dip into whenever I face different challenges with my children and it applies differently to each child (I have 4!). A wealth of resources in regards to pertinent and pressing issues for parents - building empathy, disciplining in ways that promote autonomy and self-worth, nurturing islands of competence etc. Upbeat, practical and inspiring, it never fails to get me back on track and offer new solutions.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Dawn

    I just started, but I really liked the first chapter about empathy. It is very important to treat our children with respect and understanding and look at their view point. I do remember what it was like as a child. Very good so far, great point of view. Now that I finally finished this book, I really liked the concepts. Highly effective way to parent. But the book can be very repetitive.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Molly

    I really wish I enjoyed reading these types of books more. This was hard for me to get through. But there were definite chapters that really applied to my children, so for that reason, I'm glad I read it. What I don't understand is why do self-help books have to be so darn long? Just tell me how to make it all better!

  24. 5 out of 5

    Amanda

    I love the thought that empathy is bound to resiliency. This book has made me be more thoughtful in my parenting, but it's especially given me ideas to direct that thoughtfulness. Their approach is habit-changing. I'm even suggesting some of these concepts to my mother, whose baby just started college.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Katherine

    I thought this was a good book, although it began to feel repetitive part way through. Each chapter dealt with a different aspect of their philosophy and because many of the ideas have common threads, some of the later chapters felt somewhat redundant. But overall I thought they had some great ideas and would recommend this book to other parents.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Krista

    I heard Bob speak and thoroughly enjoyed it. I got his book and it was a lot of what I had already heard him say. Also, having read many other parenting books, there wasn't much in the book that was new to me. It's not a bad book, just not a great read for me. But, if you get the chance, hear him speak in person!

  27. 5 out of 5

    Nicemarmot

    This book offers fairly basic and time-worn ideas on how to help a little person grow up well. I didn't get past the first couple of chapters- the thesis seemed to be, "give them choices, give them agency." Noted.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Tamara

    Very practical, quick read. Focuses on the responsibility of parents/teachers being clear on their goals and objectives regarding what kind of people they want the children to turn into-- and the best way to get there. Something in it for everyone.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Sam

    This book is great. I feel that much of the advice is actionable. So many "raising children" books are great to discuss, but hard to implement. Not only does this book have wonderful advice, but I can see how I'm using it.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Tobey

    Nothing earth shattering (and as with most parenting books I feel like they could have said the same stuff with half the words) but some interesting ideas and good reminders to take a step back and evaluate behaviors from all sides.

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